Zahida Noor says: March 30, 2013 at 11:17 am
I am a muslim girl deeply in love with a sikh boy we both love each other truly but my family is against us? We both are working in Ireland, age 27/32 years.
We both love each other truly his family has agreed to our relation but my family has not. they are against this relation it is impossible for me to marry someone else now. i can not break up my promises i have made to him. what should i do please help me. -Zahida Noor.
Admin says:
Zahida,
You are in good shape for being in Ireland, mature (age 27), at least one set of parents are okay and you are financially independent. Techinically, you could do what ever except that you wish to see you parents happy, and that we understand. We could suggest you to take steps with that you could achieve all your objectives. We suggest you to be selfish (see what we mean below) and educate yourself for potential reasons why your parents are against your planned marriage.
You said, “I can not break up my promises i have made to him”, do not get stuck on these promises. You must not marry him just because of certain promises. Remember, in the West, more than 50% of marriages break in divorce. For this reason, it is better to break promise before marriage if you now realized that you will not be happy in that marriage. This is a better option than to later get into divorce. This is what we meant by being selfish, you must do that will be best for your life.
Now on your parents. Actually it is your fault that till age ~27 you kept giving your parents a false hope that you are a good “Muslim” girl and will only marry a Muslim. If at your age 17 you made them realize that you are not going to marry a Muslim, by now they would have come to terms and today would have accepted your Sikh boy friend. Give some time (a year?) to your parents to realize reality of life.
Within faith marriages are much easy compared to interfaith. Considering that, tell your parents that you are giving them 12 months to present you Muslim guys as potential life mate. Go and sincerely consider them during this period. If you do come across a reasonable guy, go for him (be selfish, do that is right for you). If not, tell your parents that the time period is over and now you are going to go for your love. Again be selfish, you cannot marry to some one you do not like but just to please your parents.
During this one year, every day argue with your parents why you must marry a Muslim or why you cannot marry a Sikh. Read all material that we have collected on this site to argue with your parents. Be respectful and calm while arguing, but make rational arguments. Let us know your parents arguments and justifications and we will guide you for how to reply back. If your parents are educated and not religions fanatic, over period they will realize that you have good reasons and ultimately (or reluctantly) they will agree (no BBS, please). This will be a win-win for all. Let us know how it goes. Good luck! -Admin
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Zahida Noor says: March 31, 2013 at 11:56 am
Thanks Admn. and Sushant.
We both have discussed all probabilities for future relationships and agreed to follow good things of both religion. No conversion etc. in fake manner. Kids if any(hahahhahhaha…) they will follow good teachings of both religions and obviously maximum part of teachings shall be of sikh religion. Sikh religion consists of good teachings of all religion and hence no problem.
If my parents do not agree or approve this relation, I am not worried to be disowned by them. I know I have full freedom to live as per my conscious mind frame. The resricted life of muslim guy, cannot be tolerated by me.
Thanks and regards. -Zahida Noor
More information: Sikh-Muslim Relationships, Sharia, Koran, Interfaith Marriage & Divorce Laws.
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Her Iranian family wants me to be Muslim
Hi Zahida,
What happened to your life story?Have you married.
I am also in love with a muslim girl for 6 years,she divorcee, a victim of tripple talak and working in a Mall. I wish to marry her, she is ready but my parents little hesitant being she divorcee. I am ready to accept as it is.
family are family…stick by them through what ever they and put you through as they raised you and looked after you all your life, its life i’m afraid… you knew your religion is totally against dating or even contact with the opposite sex before marriage… now you see why. i understand what you’re going through.. but you made the mistake, pay the price and set it straight, Inshallah Allah will guide you. That, or… reject your faith, reject your family and leave all that has made you, for a guy..???… i once asked my friend for advice as i am dealing with a similar issue.. she said we are just evolved apes and religion has been socially constructed to separate beliefs, but love has no religion. something to consider, there is an after life.
best wishes x
what do you mean by ” i am dealing with a similar issue”? Can you elaborate?
Gudwishes 4u guys..just live ur life
Gudwishes 4 you guys.,just live ur life
hi zahida,
you r thinking to marry him living in ireland. if you were in pakistan what will u do? throw your religion to basket and accept a new one likh sikh, hindu or any other humanitic religion. good luck sister
Thanks Admn. and Sushant.
We both have discussed all probabilities for future relationships and agreed to follow good things of both religion. No conversion etc. in fake manner. Kids if any(hahahhahhaha…) they will follow good teachings of both religions and obviously maximum part of teachings shall be of sikh religion. Sikh religion consists of good teachings of all religion and hence no problem.
If my parents do not agree or approve this relation, I am not worried to be disowned by them. I know I have full freedom to live as per my conscious mind frame. The resricted life of muslim guy, cannot be tolerated by me.
Thanks and regards.
Superb, best wishes. Still, we recommend to respect your parents and do your best to involve them (rather than showing them out). For this reason, please get into rational, respectful, cool&calm arguments with your parents, every day, every week. Over six months, and after repeated hammering with your message of pluralism, they will get educated for your wishes. Lets us know what are their 3 main concerns?
uii thot ds as a genuine site bt ths is just targetted fr muslim grls…pity u admin fr de fucking wrk u hv beenn doing
Blah blah blah, Mr identity theft, why don’t you do your homework, don’t you have something your teacher gave you in Madrassa?.. Oh wait madrassa is for Islamic teaching..so you are doing homework, what’s your next school lesson, blow up another building?
Hi Zahida.
You already answered your question. You cannot break the promise of love as you just said.
I guess some questions to ask I yourself would be these…
1. Have you discussed the religions obligation post marriage. Would you both happily follow your own respective religions?
2. What religion would you want the kids to be raised as?
3. How Importent is religion in both of your eyes?
4. As you said his family has accepted you, if you do get married and have to distance yourself from your family, would you be happy and content with having only your inlaws being more closely involved with your marriage?
5. Given that you are both in Ireland, if you do go against the will of your parents and marry, would they be able to cause problems for you and your partner?
In the end. Am sure we can all give you our opinions but eventually you have to make your decision based on what you really want from life.
Good luck and how to hear about your progress.
Sushant made an excellent point, “but eventually you have to make your decision based on what you really want from life.” Good message, Sushant.