Section 6.2: A Sikh Girl with a Muslim for 10 Years

Section 6.2: A Sikh Girl with a Muslim for 10 Years 

Surinder says:

I am recently going under huge stress. I am in love with a Muslim guy. I am a Punjabi Sikh. We have been in love with each other for nearly ten years now… and now the time has come when my family has started to pressurize me to get married. My family is very nice. But in our culture it’s going to be a big issue if I marry a non-Sikh and non-Indian guy.

I have not told my family that I am in love with a Muslim guy as that might cause chaos. But now the pressure is unbearable and I don’t want to marry anyone else at any cost. I don’t know how I should tell my family without hurting them. The guy I am with; he briefly got permission to marry me but he is unable to take it further as I am just terrified to tell my family about it. Has anyone experienced or going through similar situation I would like to hear, thanks. —Surinder

Admin says:

Hi Surinder, 

Your parents will be hurt with your news but ultimately they will have to get over it. It is most critical to decide what is good for you in a long run. You need to make fully informed decision, so collect the facts without being emotional. For an ever-lasting happy married life (and to please your parents half way), it is important to have a Sikh-Muslim marriage with equality.

You have stated, “He briefly got permission (from Muslim parents) to marry” you. Is that permission with or without the shahadah religious conversion of a Sikh to Islam? Ideally, you should have asked this simple question much earlier in the course of your relationship, not after 10 years!

From your Muslim boyfriend and his family, find answers to these questions: 


Q1) How will you get married? Sikh wedding? Islamic nikaah after shahadah? Court only marriage? All three?

Q2) What happens if you adamantly say NO to religious conversion to Islam?

Q3) Do you have to accept a new Muslim first name?

Q4) Are you allowed to bring Guru Granth Sahib and display Guru Nanak’s photo in your living room (along with a photo of Kaaba)?

Q5) Are the Muslim boyfriend and his parents planning to join you to a Gurdwara and be a part of Sikh religious ceremonies while at your parents’ home (and you attend his mosque)?

Q6) Can your first child have a Sikh name (and the second child have an Arabic name)?

Q7) Do your male children have to have a sunat circumcision?

Q8) Can you teach your children from Guru Granth Sahib as well from the Koran? Will your (future) husband also do the same to educate your children?

Q9) What will you teach your children about… Who is God? Are Sikh gurus and Mohammad the same; that is, messengers of same God?

Q10) Do you ever have to go under the burka or hijab cover?

After collecting all the facts, go to your parents with open mind. Do not lie to them or hide the facts. Do not get into irrational arguments; try to remain objective. Listen carefully to all their concerns and think it over for a few days. Then resume your discussion with your parents with your decision. Try to convince them that your boyfriend is the right person for you and explain why, without drama and without severing your relationship with your parents—one day you may need them again!

Convince your parents that your boyfriend is not a love-jihadi, but more like Azad, Seema and Shah Rukh khan, who truly respect their spouses’ religion and believe in interfaith marriage with equality. Best wishes. —Admin

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