The previous two sections covered what a Dharmic should know about an Abrahamic in a love relationship. It is also not going to be easy for an Abrahamic to marry and adjust to a Hindu (or Jain, Sikh, Buddhist). Here points are raised that may be objectionable to the Abrahamic belief system (also read The Geeta on Abrahamic?).
Approximately 38% of Hindus marry to an Abrahamic in America. Hindus are pluralist in general, and thus may be more open minded in terms of accepting Jesus as a savior and Allah as One God. In addition, they may not have hesitation visiting a church, synagogue or a mosque to explore more about different faiths. Further, the Hindu lover may accept teaching their future children about other faiths and even may agree to baptism, bris/bar mitzvah or sunat rituals for children. Though this openness, tolerance to other faiths and to some extent the novelty of a different culture may attract you to consider a Hindu as your life-mate, awareness of the following pointers about Hindus is advised.
10) Food habits: A Hindu may be a vegetarian and may prefer that others in the family not consume meat. Regular alcohol consumption may also be considered bad.
9) Weddings: A Hindu may not have concerns about being a part of an Abrahamic marriage ceremony, but a Hindu will insist on having the Hindu vivaha ceremony where multiple Devas and Devis (commonly described as specific energies of the Ultimate Supreme Brahman or Gods) will be invoked from heaven, earth and water. Will the Abrahamic community be comfortable being a part of such polytheist ritual? Check with your rabbi, imam or priest/paster to see if he/she is agreeable to dual marriage ceremonies.
8) Novelty: Indian costumes, food and culture may be attractive before marriage but afterward the novelty may wear off. Conversely a Hindu spouse may be very sympathetic to one’s Abrahamic history (e.g. holocaust or discrimination of Muslims in the West) but after marriage they may complain about hearing the same stories again and again.
7) Close-knit families: Hindus in general believe in an extended family, which includes distant relatives. After marriage, many visitations to and from these relatives should be expected. While these relatives may not openly say so, they might be skeptical about whether this Abrahaimc is out proselytizing Hindus.
6) Idol-worshipping: Participation in extensive Hindu rituals of praying to various deities may be expected at one time or another at Hindu in-laws’ home or at a Hindu temple (e.g. Garba dance). One can only decline these invitations so many times. Additionally, a Hindu spouse may insist on having his or her own altar with Hindu deities in the house. Conflict may arise if the Abrahamic spouse opposes worshipping God this way, especially if the Hindu participated in Abrahamic worshipping practices.
5) Circumcision: The Hindu spouse may not accept religious circumcision for their male children, because it denotes Himsa (violence) against a newborn son. Justifications for circumcision on medical grounds may be challenged based on current available scientific facts.
4) Spiritual meaning: The Hindu may agree to be a part of his or her spouse’s religious rituals but may do so just for social reasons or to please that spouse without having the same core spiritual feelings toward that form of worship (e.g. during the Sabbath time the Hindu spouse may meditate or pray to Lord Krishna!).
3) Reversal in attitude: Though the Hindu spouse may have agreed to raise children in the Abrahamic faith, later they may conclude that church sermons are boring, madrasa teachings are offensive or that children spend too much time in synagogues versus fun trips, adventures or other learning experiences.
2) False conversion: Though the Hindu spouse may have had the baptism or shahadah religious conversion necessary for the church or nikaah wedding, he/she continues to remain Hindu in belief. For them, the conversion may have been just a hollow ritual devoid of true religious meaning.
1) Pluralism: In general, Hindus are inclusive and pluralist in their beliefs and for that reason may accept the Abrahamic faith but will do so without understanding core Abrahamic exclusivist belief. It will be easy to convince a Hindu to ADD a God (e.g. Lord God, God the Father, Jesus or Allah), but the Hindu will get furious when asked to REMOVE Hindu Gods from their home. A Hindu spouse may only see the Abrahamic God as one of many manifestations of God but not the ONE God. The possibility exists that after years into a marriage the exclusivist Abrahamic will realize that his or her children are pluralists or atheists.
The issues brought up in these ten points deserve serious consideration by couples planning Hindu/Abrahamic marriages. Adequate forethought about the differences may prevent the potential disagreement, heartbreak and stress from occurring or even dissuade the prospective couple from entering into a marriage in the first place. The issue of exclusivity of one’s beliefs versus pluralism and in which faith future children will be raised may in fact be deal breakers. On the other hand, awareness, understanding and acceptance of these differences can contribute to a long and satisfying marriage.
A Chapter from the book Interfaith Marriages: Share and Respect with Equality is posted here. View some of others chapters from the book here.
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