Martina says: January 28, 2017 at 8:02 pm
Hello admin, I am a 35 year old Mexican catholic girl and I have fallen madly in love with a Brahmin hindu guy here in USA..he told me from the beginning that our future as a couple was not meant for marriage, that his family will never accept even if I started living y life as a hindu..vegetarianism, following the hindu rituals and all..still he wants to be with me until his family finds him a bride back in India.. he says he loves me deeply but he cannot challenge his parents ..im so heartbroken.. Is he just passing time with me? ..I don’t know. -Martina
Admin says:
Hi Martina,
Sorry to hear of your love story where both love each other but there is no light at the end of tunnel. We do not see much future in this relationship, do you?
It is very sad that this so called Hindu, Brahmin, loving his parents, cares about being vegetarian and for his rituals etc, but on the other side he is not following humanity. Even he clearly knows that dating a non-Brahmin is no-go for him, why he is out looking at non-Hindu girls in the USA? He is already matured (assuming age close to you) and still waiting his parents to decide a girl for him? We feel such people are disgrace to the society. Ask him to read our statement on this post and help us explain how he is a good member of this society.
We have heard of many such guys who date many girls in the West but when time comes to marriage, run to India and get married (many times in two weeks). Unfortunately after bringing a “decent” Indian girl to America, they are later not happy with the mother’s choice and start fluttering around outside their marriage. In the end, they make every one unhappy, including their mother.
You tell him to make up his mind ASAP if he loves you or not. Tell him that you are already 35 and have clear interest to get married. Tell him to make up his mind or you are out.
On your side, he already told you honestly, “he told me from the beginning that our future as a couple was not meant for marriage,” then why you got into love relationship with him? If your primary interest is to get married, do not even get into deep relationship with not-serious guys. On your point, “still he wants to be with me until his family finds him a bride back in India,” tell him you are not his professional escort.
On your point, “he says he loves me deeply,” let us remind what Abida said on this site earlier. “Innocent and emotional girls sometimes get trapped by whosoever appears to respect them, though this “respect” is false. There are so many anti social elements in the society who are disguised as gentlemen but are conspirator inside.” Let us know how do you interpret it.
Tell us what else we can say. Stay connected and update us as it goes along. –Admin
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Hey Martina,
I’m sad to hear of your story and I agree with Admin and Rabia. How long have you been with your partner?
When I first starting dating my partner, I told him that I couldn’t go out with him because I’m a Sikh girl and he’s Christian. But I starting dating him and began falling in love with him. Fast forward to 8 years later and telling my parents and grandparents about him, I stood my ground. I was prepared for the worst but they came round and wanted my happiness.
He needs to decide what makes him happier, you or trying to keep his parents happy. If it’s the latter, then you know where you stand. Then he is with you and passing time, unfortunately 🙁
If you want any other advice, please check out my interfaith, multicultural wedding blog to give you and your partner hope – http://secretweddingblog.com – I’d be happy to answer any questions that you may have.
Good luck x
Dear Martina,
I am very saddened to read your story and Admin has already guided you rightly, in my opinion, so not much else to say on that. If you have the strength, break up with him and see what Happens. he will
either
a) realise he cannot live without you (if he genuinely loves you, that is) and develop the courage to speak to his parent
b) leave you and marry a girl his parents choose from India
Either way, you will have closure and you will be able to move on much faster the sooner you have your answer.
I am sorry but sounds like he is using you – what on earth does this mean “he wants to be with me until
His parents find him someone from India” – you are a lady to be respected, not an escort! And you are madly in love with him so he is clearly taking advantage of that in order not to be lonely or maybe purely for sensual pleasures (sorry to be so blunt but this is the sad reality the way I as an outsider see it)
If he does love you, he can abt least try once to discuss the idea of marrying you with his parents. It seems you are a flexible person who wouldn’t mind following Hinduism if married into the Brahmin household – this is a great advantage for him and he should explain it to his parents. Who knows, maybe they will at least agree to meet you.
Give him our perspective, guide him to this site if he wants to read about other interfaith love stories and take inspiration from other couples who successfully managed to
Convince their parents.
Best of luck!
Men and women in the East and Middle East (also in the West earlier) used to stay away from relationship till marriage. Now that is changing or changed. In this new system of having romantic time as and when pleases, who has more to loose, men or women? If the objective is marriage, one will have more respect if he/she refrains from too deep physical relationships. If not, you are increasing your probability of being used by the other party for reasons than a “true” love. It is only the individual has to decide where to draw a line.