PSinha says: November 14, 2016
Hi
Im from a conservative religious Hindu family. I myself follow vaishnavism, Krishna.
This year I meet girl from ukraine. She is Catholic, very religious. I tried to explain my girl that due to differences in faith and culture we cannot marry. But she was very attached and willing to live with me in India in our home. I invited her to my house last month, we had many issues especially with my parents. My parent not agree that i marry someone outside my religion. But my lady was very much insisted. She also tried her best to adjust herself with me.
So in the end we decide to marry and pray to God so that we can reconcile our differences and lie happily. We plan to have both weddings. We have clearly agreed on ‘No to Baptism’. Me or my children. Her church just wanted me to be informed my wife should stay as christian and I cannot put any obstacle to her going to church / my child learning christianity. This regul has any impact? I have been clearly told my marriage in church will be just some ring exchange, blessing and promises.
Later i will have full hindu traditional marriage, she agreed to follow everything.
I believe in interfaith marriages we need to respect others faith. What you think? -Singh
Admin says:
If any one is planning a (Catholic) Church wedding, expect to sign some type of legal document in favor of Christian faith. You need to decide what will you get by signing such one sided pre-nap?
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4 Responses
Dear Psinha,
Our simple and firm recommendation—divorce her church and marry her. If she wants to bring her church in your married life, then simply stop talking to her. Your three-way marriage (you-she-her church) is a death bell for your happy marriage; never do that. Let us explain why?
1) You love your girl friend and not the church. There is NOTHING you have to gain by signing this agreement (read). It could put you in deep legal trouble later in life.
2) You love Krishna and she loves Christ, beautiful! We do not see any problem. However, her church will teach that children must dissociate from Krishna and stay only with Christ. You do not want the church to continuously install poison in minds of your children against your Krishna, do you?
3) Tell her that we will have big Jesus Christ and Krishna’s photos in our living room, we will celebrate Christmas and Diwali same way, we will pray both of them side-by-side but at home, we will teach children from Geeta and Bible at home side-by-side and when children are 21 years old, they will decide their own faith (like Barack Obama did). Fair?
If you still want to sign this document, then we ask you to start visiting her church every Sunday and see if you like their teachings. After that you convert to Christianity and start living like a Christian. Dump all Krishna murtis in garbage (as a Christian). After a year of being a Christian, then think of this marriage. In case if you don’t like teachings in her church, why will you want your children to punish with such teachings?
If you were smart, we would say go marry out side the church and temple. Find a Hindu and Christian priests who are willing to perform your wedding on the same day and in a garden or marriage hall. Is this logical?
Thanks again Admin!
I will check with this agreement thoroughly again.
And will definately disagree during marriage if some loopholes.
Anyway its in Russian and it doesnt require my sign.
She said the document mention I need to be only informed I will not put any obstacle in her faith and she can teach her faith to her children. I will check again.
Honestly speaking neighther of us really want our respective religion pose some difficulties for each other.
We only want to be married in each our tradition to get God’s blessings.
Religion are supposed to elevate our consciousness and teach us to love God.
Its very unfortunate due to these conflicting religious reguls we are unable accept and love one another as a person.
To conclude I understand its going be a big challenge lets see where God take me! 🙂
Thanks again for your deep insight into the matter.
God bless! hare krishna 🙂
You are smart and intelligent but what is missing is–you do not have any interfaith marriage experience. In last 8 years, we have handled some 1200 cases like yours and wish you to have benefit of our knowledge.
Let us explain your statement, “I will not put any obstacle in her faith and she can teach her faith to her children.”
What would you do if your daughter tells you one day that “your Krishna murti is an idol and you are following a wrong faith.” Will you not put an “obstacle” against church’s teachings and explain your daughter this? Your children are your children and you should have rights to teach them what you feel is right; church should not tight your hands and shut your mouth.
Tell the church to add on the legal pre-nap that “I (your fiancée) will not put any obstacle in his (father’s) faith and he can teach his Hindu faith to his children.” Is it not fair both should not put obstacles for each other’s teachings?
Read this Jane’s life experience. What would you do if, one day, your daughter says, “I mourn that my (Hindu) father is not a believer”? Why will you not put “obstacles” to church’s teaching s from the start?
First for your privacy, do not disclose your first name. It is not necessary.
Read this non-Indian pre-naptial document, where you have to acknowledge (legal sign) that you agreed for children being Christians. Lets assume (sorry to talk negative) you are undergoing child custody battle after the divorce, it is likely that the judge will not give you children custody because children cannot be raised Christians (as you acknowledged) in your Hindu home. There is nothing you have to gain out of this one sided pre-Nap.
Honesty is the best policy. Be truthful to his church. Any lies and deception will hurt you 10-20 years later in life. Tell the church in writing that you do not agree to this unfair request and children will be Hindu 50% and Christian 50%. Let us know what they say.
On “her wish in life to be married in her tradition,” remind her that her tradition is to marry another Catholic. When you don’t follow your own tradition, then every thing else is up for discussion and agreement.
Yes, this is possible “when both are very religious and loyal to their respective religion” as far as the decision power is in the couple’s hands, and not in the hands of religions institutions.
Sorry if we word it too harshly (Dump all Krishna murtis in garbage) but read what the Bible has to say for all non-Christian idols. You decide yourself if it is okay if the church teaches below to your children.
You shall not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do according to their works; but you shall utterly overthrow them and completely break down their sacred pillars. (Exodus 23:24)
you shall utterly overthrow them and completely break down their sacred pillars. (Exodus 23:24)
I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me. (Deuteronomy 5:8-9)
nor shall you set up an engraved stone in your land, to bow down to it (Leviticus 26:1)
Lest you act corruptly and make for yourselves a carved image in the form of any figure: the likeness of male or female, the likeness of any animal that is on the earth or the likeness of any winged bird that flies in the air. (Deuteronomy 4:16, 17)
You shall burn the carved images of their gods with fire (Deuteronomy 7:25)
Then he removed the idolatrous priests … he brought out the wooden image from the house of the LORD, …burned it at the Brook Kidron and ground it to ashes, and threw its ashes on the graves of the common people. (II Kings 23:5-6)
Why have they provoked Me (Christian God) to anger, with their carved images and with foreign idols? (Jeremiah 8:19)
And have cast their gods into the fire; for they were not gods, but the work of men’s hands—wood and stone. (King II 19:18)
Let all be put to shame who serve carved images, who boast of idols. (Psalms 97:7)