Jain and Hindu-Brahmin Marriage Problem

Naina says: August 29, 2016

Hi,
I am a Jain girl and I want to marry a Brahmin guy. His parents want me to perform all rituals and worship Hindu Gods. I feel bit hesitating in doing so. On the other hand my parents can’t see me doing all these things, so they are against to it. His family want me to accept Brahminism completely and forget about Jainism. I just afraid if this condition prevails we can’t marry each other. Our families are highly religious at their ends. But we love each other and want to marry. Please help. -Naina

Admin says:

Hello Naina,

Thank you for reaching out to us. You are certainly in a difficult situation. On one side, you are in true love but two sets of parents are at odds due to their religions. Best option for you in such a situation is to take time to think through all issues before rushing for marriage.

Is your boy friend supportive of you following your Jain faith? Is he (and you) well educated and financially independent? If the boy is not of independent minded and wishes you to follow his parents’ wishes, deeper troubles are on the way for you. If you think he will protect you against outside forces, then only you should consider this relationship further.

In old times, it was expected that the wife has to give up her faith and accept husband’s faith. Those days are over now. Do not buy this logic from any one.

We have created this site to promote Interfaith Marriage with Equality. We routinely recommend equality of two faiths; it could be 50%-50% or even 30%-70%, but certainly not 100%-0% deal. There are many reasons for asking for equality. Out of blind-love, you may accept 100% Hindu-0% Jain deal now, but it will start bothering you soon after the marriage. It will get even harder when there is a time to raise children.

On praying to Hindu Gods, you said, “I lil bit feel hesitating in doing so.” Does it mean you are little hesitant but somewhat flexible and open-minded? In any marriage, both sides have to make some compromises to make it work. Your parents may want you to remain 100% Jain but let us know if you are “little” flexible in your faith.

We have seen many Hindu-Jain happy marriages where the couple find some middle ground between two faiths and still respect and follow both (read Bina, Varun). Unless you feel otherwise, we would not have a big issue if you accept (add) his faith (to yours) but we have serious concern for “accept Brahmanism completely and forget about Jainism.” This later demand is irrational. If it was us, we would have said: 1) I am a Jain and will remain so, 2) I will respect and honor some of your Brahmin beliefs provided you give me rational justifications and 3) I will teach to our children–good from both faiths.

Are your parents want you to remain 100% Jain in a Brahmin home and never ever be a part of any ritual relating to Hindu Gods? If in a Brahmin home, when ever there is any Hindu ritual, are they expecting you to walk away from that home? Further, do they wish your children to be learning of 100% of Jainism and 0% of Hinduism? Is this (“can’t see me doing all these things”) your parent’s wishes or you also feel the same way? What ever you wish, clarify with your boy friend and to his parents now.

Later, we can have philosophical discussion on faith, religion and God but first let us know what do you think about what we have said above. We hope to hear from you. Lets talk more later. Best wishes. -Admin

Also read:
Jain-Hindu marriages
Jain-Hindu Marriage Problems
Muslim-Jain Marriages
Video: Interfaith Marriage with Equality

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