Naveen says: December 19, 2015 at 8:08 pm
My name is Naveen as I said i love a jain girl n I’m a marathi guy n v love eachother a lot n the only prob is religion prob frm her parents side n few days back they got to knw abt us like someone told der parents ur girl was roaming with marathi guy n they shouted her said many thing which a parents shouldn’t tell to there children’s n she was crying the whole day the nxt day she had called me n said Naveen will quite I felt totally broken n I asked her y u wanna leave me she said my parents r worried abt the society I said is. The society is more importan den ur HAPPIENESS fr ur parents I made her understand she was conviced n I said I’m ready to do anything jst to convince ur parents n she said first do something in ur life stand in ur legs after 3years come n talk to my parents n she said she’ll wait fr me n fr 3years no txt no meet no call I agreed fr dat n now the prob is her parents I dnt knw how to convince her parents cz her parents nos my family n they think my family isn’t too good jst cz my family sake they cnt point me bad I jst need to knw how I should convince her parents if derz 99%of rejection n 1% acception I’m ready to face it but I want her in my life cz ilove her a lot -Naveen
Sanket says: September 19, 2016
Admin, I am Hindu n my gf is Jain. We both don’t believe the castism and all just have faith on god but our patents has diff mentality n its impossible to convince them. We need each other n our family also plz help for solution. I am so depressed due to this i left her for 1 year. -Sanket
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Thank u admin for ur suggetn n efforts
I did 1 mistake that i left her.. .
Dnt thng more alway do what ur heart says
Bt i prms evn if she will nt be mine i will atleast change the thoughts of my parents. . .
Can you reconnect with your girl friend?
We will add to this “do what ur heart says” and also use your mind (not heart alone). Always listen to others but make rational arguments based on facts and ultimately do that is right thing to do. This is true dealing with parents, wife, friends and boss at work. Let us know major milestones of your life, we will be glad to hear from you. Best wishes.
Plz tell me some point to convence our parents in their way by taking hlp of jainism and hindusm
For eg jainism teaches not tu hurt anyone.like that so tht we can atleast try to prove ourselve
Tell us what are parents concern. Write down 3 points from both sides. Our expertise is on religion and not many other issues. For example, if her parents don’t like your hight or your parents, we can’t help.
Our parent only think about dhrma, society and all they told we have to follow our dharma thats why m asking is there any way to convence them in their way and accordng to their thoughts.
Good point. That will require lots of reading on your part. If all these does not work out, in the end, you be prepared to go live on your own for a year (if you have guts). At that time, parents will come to senses.
Ask your parents what is Dharma, challenge them. You also read more at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rajiv-malhotra/dharma-religion_b_875314.html . Look, the dharma is not doing some rituals or going to mandir/derasara. Dharma is living your life righteously and doing good karma to help society. Ask them what is a-Dharmic in marrying a Jain (or Hindu) as far you are going to respect both faith equality and raise children in both faiths?
Thanks a lot
There no point of gut our parents did many things for us in childhood n still doing si we cant hurt them in old age they may also have fear that what peple will say if we do intercast mrg there are lot of thing tht but we will try thnx once again.
Admin also mention some points for how to convence if parents are afraid if other peple in community will nt accept n may make fun of them.if we live indepndnt then what they will think childrns are living hpily n parent r suffrng. I think smtm some relatives accepts from inside but have fear of other pepl.
Thanx for the great help now i am feeling so positive actually we are mentally so tired bcz of thinkng so mch n sufferng due to the cndtn bt ur advises helps me a lot
Thnx once again ????????
Buddha said pain is mandatory, suffering is optional. You will have always problems in life, but you just think rationally and try to solve the problem. In life, you do not get every thing that you desire (here your girl) but certainly you can try.
Dealing with your parents and your issue, we would say:
1) Never get mentally upset or depressed
2) Never get into fight with your parents or any one, but always do get into intellectual discussion
3) Read a lot from this site and from google for your issue at hands. Once you are “educated” (by knowledge), argue to your opponents rationally. They will respect you and sometimes you will win (not all times).
4) If after lots of struggle, if she becomes your wife, you would appreciate her and all most. If your desires don’t come true, well, accept the fact of life and move on. Something better is in plan for you by God.
Hi Sanket,
On “fear of other people,” remember one story. There was a rat with 7 tails. Every one was teasing the rat, so he cut one tail. Again people were teasing that a rat with 6 tails, so he cut one more. Ultimately he had only one tail left but people were in habit of teasing so they said a rat with one tail. Now he cut his last tail. Now people saying a rat with no tail. Point is–you cannot run life to please others. Do rational and moral that you think is right and stick with it.
Thanx for a great support m feeling ok now n trying to convince my parents with discussion only.
Also there is my friend he has a differnt story he say if he live indeoendent his society will kill them and he has real examples also. In this case what he can do??
This “he live indeoendent his society will kill them” is illegal in most countries. Once you are educated and financially independent, you can always move away from that village/town.
Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor married and now living happily. If Saif was 20 years old guy from a small village and without a job, he could never marry Kareena this way. Now mullahs and pandits can’t do any thing to them except some rattling.
Thnx admin
Actually sometimes i feel to live independnt bt we both think our fmily also imp i ask abt this to her she is very honest her parent r nt tht much attach to her even though she dont like to be independent.she has great understandng.
Living separately could be only for a short period till parents get sense or reality. After a year or so, once parents accept your relationship, you can move in if they allow.
Naveen u r so lucky that ur parents understands u. I have same pbm my parent r simple and its impossbl tu convence them
admin my parents are ok with it the prob what my parents are telling is first you settle down den yu can marry her cz shez a girl n she deserved to like a Queen at home v should not make her feel dat she made a mistake even I think the same thing I would love to keep her happy in all ways n she desent ask anything or demand anything v have very good understanding n if she don’t demand it decent mean I shouldn’t keep or gv her anything I would love to gv my everything I can do anything to keep her happy n sacrifice anything to make her happy but I don’t wanna sacrifice her I wanna spend my whole life with her with lots of love till the end of my life still I’m not settled n her parents are troubling her to get married shed just 19 did is. not a age to get married right I want to marry her when shez 25 tho how can I stop her parents to do those stupid things again n again help me admin I’ll always visit Di’s website thankyusomuch fr helping I Hope you’ll help in the future to will never forget did website cz when noone are der yu do help me n show the way when I’m tensed ty n. plz to do reply I’m waiting I don’t wanna lose her at any cost
Your parents gave great advice, superb. Follow it. Ask the girl to keep making all kind of excuses to marry any one. She could make an excuse to her parents that she will not marry till she is done with college education. This way, buy a year or two and then you will be ready to marry her (against wishes of parents, if be that). Best wishes.
but her parents don’t listin to her I already told yu dat they saw a guy for her at dat time she said she wanna study her parents told v knw wat to do yu don’t tell anything this was the response she got in everything n she told me to help I called dat guy n spoke to him den the guys parents spoke to her parents n from guys side they ended the topic after dat my gf parents made a issue just cz he was rich n they scolded her badly which a parents shouldn’t do with a girl they only think by there side her opinion is nothing wat should she do now admin ?
Age 13-20 is a difficult time for parents and child. Parents thinks it is their baby and the child wishes to be a full grown adult making all decision on their own. If parents wish to do force marriage, they could and you will have limited role in it. This is a reality of life. Nothing is going to get done overnight. You got to have patience and hope for good. If your parents are wealthy and ready to marry you off with her (and you are at right ages), consider it.
I’m naveen yes financially I’m lil low but I can keep her happy n I can give her everything n right now I’m working very soon gonna open a shop the prob is she is the only daughter n she don’t wanna hurt them she want me to convince her parents n even I don’t wanna hurt them I would like to convince them but her parents are very strict n they talk abt intercast n religion how do I convince them shez OK with everything but she don’t wanna leave her parents all alone help me plz v love each other alot at any cost v don’t wanna leave each other together will be very happy n keep her parents happy to help me plz …
Naveen,
It is normal for parents to pick a person of their choice for their daughter. Even you were a Jain, they may still have problem with her choice for many reasons. Only what we recommend is keep trying. Sometimes it takes long time to find happy medium. If you are close to 20s, it is good idea to give a few more years to mature your relationship. If she is firm with your love, sometimes, you may have to go for what is right for two of you and two sets of parents will have to come along later. Best wishes.
Naveen,
Are you financially stable, meaning having a good job? Can two of you support your married life? If she is ready, go married in a court and parents will have to get around. Best wishes.
hi naveen here recently one month back her parents saw a boy for her and he is good in all like money job everything but still my gf wants to be with me she don’t wanna leave me I spoke to the guy n I said him shez not happy with dis marriage cz still shez is 19 n she wanna study n make her future n I told the guy not to tell to her parents dat I had called just reject her dat sum ass guy told her parents n gv my number to her parents n her parents are not understanding her I told her first let me settle down then I’ll marry yu she was ok with it new her parents are forcing her to get married still I’m not settleed wat should I do now admin plz do help me. is dat ok I’ll marry her now in court n in future if her parents tell anything I can tell vr married n I can go n talk to dem after I get settled plz do help I’m in trouble n I CNT live without her n shez ready fr the marriage
Assume you are married today to this girl of 19, how are you planning to support your marriage? Who will finance it? Will your parents let you stay in their home? Did you ask them about it? is the girl really ready to go against her parents?
There are many things in life that you wish for, but you may have to give up because of circumstances. You may like gulab Jabun, but if you are diabetic, you may have to let it go. Think of all practical matters in your life with your mind, not with heart.
Admin m hindu n my gf is jain we both dnt believe the castism and all just have faith on god bt our patents has diff mentality n its impssbl tu convence them and also we need each other n our family also plz help for solutn m so depressed due to this i left hr for 1 year.
Sanket,
Getting depressed is the last thing we will recommend. Do you best and hope it will work out, so start working.
Even she was from your own case, her parents would have problems. Parents always want to pick life mate for their children. Your success depend on how much firm minded you and your girl are.
Let us ask you–if parents don’t agree, do you have guts and money to go get married in court? Remember, parents may not accept you in their home. If you are not financially stable, then spend your energy in getting good education and job. Things could be different once you are established. Sorry, there is no easy fix here. Best wishes.
Admin as I told they saw a guy for her still her parents are telling her to get married to DAT just cz hez rich n hez family is big n he stays in village but very rich recently her parents went to c the guy even my gf saw him she dint like him but her parents are telling he has everything he will keep yu happy etc… But still she don’t wanna marry him cz she loves me n wanna be with me n she made many reasons to reject him like I can’t stay der n she wanna study further but her parents are telling what will you do after studies nothing N after telling manytimes they dint agree fr us n they are telling her to forget me which she can’t do den forcefully her parents made her to talk to DAT guy on phn she spoke to him he clearly said DAT hez only gonna marry her fr hez parents n she dint like him everyday she forcefully spoke to him on the phn n she was giving him many hints on phn I don’t wanna marry yu its just a frdship nothing els don’t take it in a wrong way he said will be only frds n dis is fr only few days I know yu don’t wanna marry me will talk fr somedays n end dis topic i told OK fine as a frd yu talk n I believed him DAT he’ll end the topic but after few days he said her DAT he really likes her n wanna marry her which she told me I thought of talking to the guy cz I couldn’t gv more time I called him I told him everything abt us he said he’ll talk to her den v spoke on a con call after me talking to him he said OK y yu ppl dint tell me before abt dis I was happy after he telling I’ll end the next day he told her I want only yu i wanna marry only yu n he said abt Us to her parents now she’s totally helpless n depressed to she wanna be with me only how can I end dis guys topic n if she tells to her parents they’ll tell y ur making reason n on con call he said he really don’t like her n hez only gonna marry her fr hez parents sake CD hez mom is an heart patient so to help dem hez gonna marry her n she’s not ready to marry him if she tells dis to her parents they tell c hez doing so much fr hez parents y can’t you do really a girls most important things is her life b she don’t have the right to choose her life partner ? AAdmin plz help out of dis topic how can o end dis guys matter n how can I make everything gud I do understand her she do understand me v have a very good bonding actually v love each other a lot n v never fight v have very good bounding I she do be happy with me n I be happy with her how to convince her parents things have gone very worst help plz what should I do next
This is certainly hard. Parents think child is their property and it is their decision where she should go. It is possible they have experiences in life and good will in their hearts for their own child. It is only your gf has to decide to take path forward. If you are financially independent, you can do as you wish as adults and also face consequence what ever that may be. Best wishes.