About a third of Hindu youths in America get married to Christians. Most Hindu youths in the West however take pride in their religious traditions and insist on going through Hindu vivaha (marriage). Most Christian significant others take part in the Hindu wedding out of curiosity, fascination for colorful rituals, out of respect for the intended spouse and/or because they find a spiritual meaning from the all inclusive pluralistic Hindu way of praying to God. In some cases, the Hindu and Christian ceremonies are performed on the same day, sometimes in the same wedding hall.
In one case, the Christian spouse requested the Hindu priest to put a picture of Lord Jesus into the Hindu ceremony and the request was applauded by all attending pluralistic Hindus. However in another case, a Hindu youth interviewed a Hindu priest and requested on behalf of her Christian fiancée that the Hindu wedding be performed without putting a forehead dot (kum kum) on the Christian, without the Christian praying to Hindu Gods, and without taking any prasad (offering from Gods). The proud Hindu priest simply declined to be part of such wedding.
While there are Christians who marry Hindus that are ready to live married life with equality of both faiths and without imposing his or her Christian dogmas on the Hindu spouse, there are other Christians who are not ready to tolerate Dharmic traditions and expect the Hindu spouse and children by this marriage to accept “unintended” religious conversion by baptism. After a Hindu to Christian conversion, a Hindu marriage is simply a Christian-Christian marriage performed by a Hindu priest. In most cases, the Hindu priest and all celebrating Hindus at the Hindu marriage have no clue about the conversion of the former Hindu. Such Hindu weddings are shams, and probably performed simply to save face for the Hindu parents in the Hindu community.
Two themes found throughout the Bible are religious exclusivity and religious intolerance to others. Christianity’s core belief is that salvation exists only through faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus said: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father (God) except through me.” The Gospel of John and Peter gave frequent messages that the followers of other religions held invalid beliefs, which were wrong, deluded, immoral, and/or heretical. Some of the acts of intolerance cited were actually ordered by God, i.e. “When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drive out before you many nations… then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them and show them no mercy” and “do not leave alive anything that breathes. Completely destroy them… as the Lord your God has commanded you.”
Even today, no major Christian church holds a pluralist theology that each person is “saved” through his or her own religion. Does this mean that Mahatma Gandhi will not achieve salvation because he was never baptized? Many churches will expect a religious conversion of a Hindu before marriage, a sign that they do not approve a marriage between a Christian and a Hindu. Some other churches will ask the Hindu spouse to sign a prenuptial that the children from this marriage will be raised only as Christians. After divorce, this one sided affidavit will have serious legal consequences. For this reason, a request for a wedding involving a Hindu in a church should be considered as a very serious matter.
Baptism is the act to cleanse former (Hindu) sins and practices, and later live with Jesus Christ forever. A Hindu youth should not have the wrong impression that baptism is a hollow ritual devoid of meaning. The most critical test to identify an intolerant Christian intended spouse is to ask “What if I decline baptism/christening of our children?” If ultimately only a Christian heritage is expected, then the Hindu should wonder why you are willing to tolerate someone’s intolerance for your identity and culture.
If your intended spouse (or in-law) is expecting you and/or your children to undergo baptism, then you have one of two choices: 1) accept his or her Christian faith and be prepared to give up your birth religion and cultural heritage completely or 2) clarify that you have a pride in your birth religion and ask for equality by denying the baptism religious labeling, especially for your children.
As per several surveys, it is estimated that more than half of interfaith marriages end in divorce. A frequent reason given for divorce is that “the person changed” after the marriage. It is not that anyone really changes, but that the other person failed to recognize the actuality. It is critical that a Hindu considering interfaith relationships with a Christian gets to know the “real” him or her sooner rather than later.
Fundamental religious differences can bring unexpected complexities to a marriage. Ideally both faiths and traditions should be respected and followed without imposing one’s intolerant religious beliefs on their spouse. Increased awareness of these complexities and better foresight and preparation will increase the odds of a long and happy interfaith marriage.
A Chapter from the book Interfaith Marriages: Share and Respect with Equality is posted here. View some of others chapters from the book here.
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