My parents want her to convert for a church marriage

Pradeep says: May 17, 2011 at 2:51 am

Hi,

I am a Marthoma Christian based out of India. I am in love with a Hindu Girl whom I have known for 15 years. I intend to marry her however when I discussed the situation at home; the first reaction was a capital NO.

On my persistent persuasion they want the girl to convert. Though I am not liking the thought of conversion I had conveyed the same to my girl and she had done the same to her mother. Her mother is not accepting the fact at all and now looking for a groom for her.

My parents have agreed to she following her religion however want her to convert for a church marriage. I would like to know the following:

1. What does Marthoma Church say about inter-religion marriage? Does it teach exclusivity? In case of inter-religion marriage does it prescribe conversion?

2. What does it say about the kids? Do I need to baptize them necessarily?

Appreciate your inputs on the same. Thanks!!!

Regards,
Pradeep

admin says: May 21, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Dear Pradeep,

The Bollywood love story ends here and reality begins. Now you have to make a major decision for your life, which one of two choices is right for you: 1) it is the love for your girl friend that you know for 15 years OR 2) a love for your religious dogmas (and dump the girl if she don’t convert).

I honor your thought “not liking the thought of conversion.” I hope you really mean it. In support of your view, see these videos…. Namastey London, Gadar, Gurumaa and Jodhaa Akbar. Let the carnation be carnation and not convert it to a rose!!

There are two very contrasting statements from your parents: “want her to convert for a church marriage” AND “agreed to she following her religion.” Your parents have to decide if they could tolerate a Hindu in their home or they want her to convert to Christianity? Are they thinking that baptism is a hollow ritual devoid of meaning? If yes, that is a real insult to Christianity!!

It is not important what your church will tell you; rather it is critical for you to decide what is right? Are you like MOLLY or MCKENNA SMITH or SAIF ALI KHAN? If so, conversion of that Hindu is a must. So go ask her for conversion. If the girl is a proud Hindu like POOJA PATEL or DIVA, she is not going to convert. If she says NO, are you going to walk away? Another alternative is to go to a court and get married and keep both religions dogmas out (like Rhithik Roshan and Fardeen Khan). Parents will ultimately accept reality.

How will you get married? – is a minor question, the major question is, like you have stated,….”Do I have to baptize them (the children)?” For that, you have to know what you have learned from your religion. Is salvation possible only through Jesus? Are non-Baptized Hindus and Muslims in this World will go to hell on the Judgment Day? Do you believe that Mahatma Gandhi will go to hell because he was not baptized…. while, a rapist could wipe his sin simply by baptism and submitting to Jesus?

You know your fiancée well and I hope you know Lord Jesus well too. Assume Jesus (the symbol of love and respect for all) is right in front of you and HE is willing to give you advice. Think what will HE tell you? Is HE going to tell you that I can’t tolerate that Hindus girl unless she converts? Further, if she doesn’t convert, simply dump her even she truly loves you!! Will Jesus be “jealous” and “angry” if she brings Hindu Gods into your new home, even she is willing to respect Jesus too? Ask any and all questions directly to Jesus, not to those middle sales men, so called religious leaders.

Go to a Mar-Thoma Christian church in a town other than yours. This way you could find out facts without fear of your parents knowing your visit to the church. Ask them if:
1) Does the Hindu must convert before marriage?
2) Does the Hindu must sign a Pre-Nuptial agreement for kids before marriage?
3) Are Child(ren) from this marriage must be baptized Christians?
4) Is it okay if the (former) Hindu and you have, in addition to the Church wedding, a Hindu wedding?
5) Can the Hindu wife bring Hindu Gods into your new home? Do the (former) Hindu must believe that Jesus is the only (son of) God?
6) Is it okay if my children are taught about Hinduism, along with Christianity?
7) Can I enter a Hindu temple? Can I eat prasad (offerings from Hindu Gods) when at wife’s home?
8 ) Does the Hindu wife must have a Christian burial?

Challenge your priest on all his answers. After that, go present this list of expectations to the girl’s parents.

Pradeep, after 15 years (of romantic relationships), is it fair to ask all above question NOW? Why did you not thought of all these before going to your first date? If she converts to Christianity just for your love, is not this an UGLY form of LOVE PROSELYTISM? Will your Jesus congratulate you for showing real humanity on the day she will be baptized?

Young adults should learn to find out a true color of their Abrahamic fiancée “sooner than later.” During early dating period, one has to ask a simple question: What will be the “formal” religion of the child from this marriage? In other words, do I have to BBS?

Pradeep, first you need to decide what do YOU want? You have to define what is right? What is truth? What is humanity? What is love? Think on your own what Jesus would have advised you.

Best wishes. Let us know on your progress.

To readers of this post, what would YOU suggest Pradeep should do?

Read Marthomite-Hindu marriages, Marthomite-Hindu marriages
Return to Forum for Interfaith Relationships with Equality

47 Comments

  • June 27, 2017 10:22 am

    Hello sir,
    Am arun from orthodox malakara sabha,am in love with a hindu nair girl,we are planning to get married in my church as per my family instructions,but we are not planning her to convert to christianity,will our church customs allow that,from whom should we get permission for that,wat are the rules to b followed & also can our kids b baptized in my Church & follow Christianity

    Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12616

  • Glenn
    May 4, 2016 9:05 pm

    I am a Roman Catholic guy am in love with a Hindu girl .. As we are from different religion we know we will face problems in future when it comes to marriage … She has faith in christianty she recites prays and she is ready to get converted into christanity n ready to follow our belief…. But problem is that ma mom wants a Girl who is born into Christian family ….. Am still am not sure what to do… Is it against our Christian faith To marry a girl who was born in another faith … ??? As she is ready to get convert and ready to follow our belif is it still wrong to marry that girl? Please help me out with your advise

    Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=11258

  • Syeda
    March 5, 2016 10:49 am

    I really loved the response of the admin..
    Kudos.. Couldn’t think of any better suggestion than what you have given..Discussing the pros and cons, you’ve reiterated the point that at the end it is his decision what he wants. What is his priority. This world needs to think in aspects of humanity more than religion.

  • RAMESH THAKUR
    November 23, 2015 10:29 pm

    JE SAB MOH MAYA HAI, PYAR VYAR NA HOBE DUNIYA MO.
    PYAR ANDA(EGG) HOTA H, ANDHA(BLIND) NAHI.

    DHANBAD

    • PEEYA KUMAR
      November 23, 2015 10:41 pm

      KA DHANBAD???!@!!

      DHANBAD MEIN PAAR HOBE.. IDHAR JINDAGI LATAKBA AUR TU WAHIN MAUJA MA???

      ZILA DHANBAD

  • JEENA MATHEW
    November 1, 2015 10:41 pm

    Why a priest’s daughter cannot marry anyone outside of their own church denomination? What will happen?

  • Rachel
    July 8, 2015 8:00 am

    What happens if a marthomite girl wants to marry a hindi nair boy? Will her whole family be expelled from church?i would like to hear from someone who knows well about the marthoma church.thanks 🙂

  • Mital
    July 8, 2015 5:45 am

    Great article and thoughts !! Keep spreading message of One God. I loved your reply to this guy.

    Pradeep, never ever leave the one who loves you truly. It’s insult of the God who resides in your heart in form of love.

  • May 26, 2015 4:54 pm

    Plz help me out d guy i lv se jacobit cn i marry him i m a pentcostal chrstn n he is saying we cant be together bcoz of it n how cn i make it possible to agree him

    Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=9912

  • john
    May 7, 2015 5:53 pm

    If you love the girl and she is a hindu. You should marry her. At least you know the girl. Religion should not be a barrier.Family should keep their boundaries. If men have job and can support the women , it is better to conduct a civil marriage. Church is not going to feed the couple or take of the children so interference should be minimum. There was a time when the church had values and it is not now.

  • spectataor1
    December 31, 2014 1:58 am

    Stop all this nonsense. Marthomite, Jacobite, Orthodox Catholic, CSI – These are denominations created by man and not by God.

    My God is a father who would be wondering “Why on earth are my children acting so dumb??”.

    Please do not generalise views on denominations due to some experiences. I attend services of ALL christian churches and truly enjoy worshiping him.

  • July 2, 2014 11:41 pm

    I am a Pentecost and im in love with a marthomite guy but what stops us is my parents wont accept me marrying a marthomite guy. But the guy’s family is ok about it and they aint forcing me to become a marthomite but to stay on with my beliefs. So my family is like if i proceed with this kind of a relationship my life will be doomed because God will punish me as im not obeying my parents….but what i believe is God bought us together even in everyone’s case so if it is according to His will make things will happen in our life… 🙂

    Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=8181

  • p
    June 10, 2014 5:53 am

    a christian is a one who is born again .every other person is not a christian ..you can be a syrian, catholic , or heeven a lutheran. read the bible properly .why do you fear men ..the covenant is between you and GOd.why dont you people seek GOD rather than men, ???

  • January 7, 2014 9:56 am

    I am a roman Catholic girl and I am in a relationship with a marthomite boy.i would like to know the proceedings of the church for marriage .also I would like to know whether I can participate in my Catholic church activities after getting married to a marthomite. ..kindly share your valuable information. .Regards , Mary

    Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=7565

  • Anonymus
    January 6, 2013 5:18 am

    Hi ,
    I am in Love with a girl and due to pure pressure from her parents this girl had to marry a marthomite
    Its just few days since the marriage , She is willing to come back to me ,My parents are also willing to accept her if she nullifies her marriage
    I want to know whats the procedure to cancel this marriage
    Should a legal divorce be filed or just the cancellation of the marriage is enough

    Reply to Anonymus at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4043

  • ThomaThoma
    November 28, 2012 12:51 am

    Well..I have the same situation now. Its inter-state and inter-religion. She is ready to convert, but can it be done? Can she convert to Marthomite and can our marriage happen?

    • November 28, 2012 1:44 am

      Can you share more details?
      Why religious conversion important?
      Is the religious conversion just for the sake of marriage?
      If the marriage is not in question, would she convert to your faith anyways?
      Would you marry her if she declines to convert?
      If she convert, can she keep practicing her birth religion in your married life/home?
      Give us more details about you and your lover and that will help us help you.

  • human being
    September 28, 2012 8:55 am

    it really doesn’t matter from which religion are you, but what matters is do you love humanity or not.

    can any prove that different god created different religion, if yes than move ahead and convert her to you religion.

    it the challenge that no can prove, it’s we human being had created different religion.

    if you really love her accept and not any other things. you move with your religion and let her follow her religion.

    and @Naveekaranavedi the people like are BANE for the human being and even ur god will also not accept that a marthoma should marry only marthoma.

    move on Naveekaranavedi and if you still disagree my above statement than make a cut in ur finger and make cut in finger of other person who is not marthoma or christan u will only find the red blood.

    than u will know who u r human being or the bloody religious person.

    • September 28, 2012 10:28 am

      Human being,
      Your statement “it really doesn’t matter from which religion are you, but what matters is do you love humanity or not”

      ..is against the 2nd of the Ten Commandments. It states …

      “I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God… punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generations of those who reject me.” Exodus 20:3-5

      This is a fundamental teachings of the Abrahamics. If every one will start loving each other’s religion, religious leaders will have hard time paying their electric bill!

  • same here but diff scerio
    August 11, 2012 11:35 am

    i know wat r de things u r going thru believe me its hard ……sometimes u wander y ppl need to do so much damage in name of God & who these ppl are to set these rules ? I am a gal who used to be very attached to the traditional background as well & i am in love in a western guy. He believes in christ but not a memeber of any church etc. Its not fair to him to do the rituals but he is willing to do it for me …the rules doesnt allow me to do so & this frustates me alot ……..i wish to have a meenu in my neck but i cant get it done coz he is not a memeber of a church etc …

    Nothing is goin to stop my love therefore its a loss for the marthoma church of their image & my contribution ….getting registered 🙂

  • prarthna
    May 17, 2012 7:33 am

    I would say that a christian cannot have any fellowhip with a non – christian. What fellowship has light with darkness. You will enter into a bondage which will ruin your future life. If you surrender yourself to gods will and continue to please god rather than pleasing your own desires god will surely honour your sacrifice and give you the best that you really deserve.

  • JIJO THOMAS
    March 7, 2012 1:53 pm

    @ Naveekaranavedi”

    First of all tell me who the Fuck are you?? U claim somebody just coz he is in Love to a Hindu Girl is a Paper Christian???
    The world is Polluted today is only coz of sick and Dumb headed assholes like you, who will always think from there religious dickhead point of views…..

    According to you, all those idiots who attends Sunday Schools n kept going to church evey Sunday will be the real Son of Gods entering the Heaven gates????

    Tell me one thing all those who worship Christ n that too belonging to a particular sect will go to heaven correct?/ rest all others be it Hindu’s, Muslims n more over christians 4m other sects will go to hell correct….
    I dont know which world u people come from…

    Then u can always say that each n every thing written In BIBLE are the word of God and stands valid for all those verses u quotes above…

    Please dare to think beyond the obvious..
    try n research it out about the History of the Bible itself….
    but even then dick heads like you will never understand….

    The real intellect person knows n will be able to see that that all these religions existed in different times in the history only to give several options to an individual to attain the path to lead a guided and happy life!!!

    and I will be dead right to conclude that a Saint like Mother Teresa Will be going to Hell ,since she also like all other Catholic underwent baptism as a child unlike the pentecostal way of baptism correct???

    and a People like Mahatama or Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela will be burnt in Hell ??

    People like you are a disgrace to this Whole World!!!

    The only Problem with this kind of fundementalistic assholes is that they believe that Only there way of faith is THE only way whereas the Faiths are all Devil Worship???
    Ignoring the fact that the word Faith in itself means to “be believing in something that is not fact”!!

  • hindu
    February 20, 2012 10:00 am

    i would say mixed faith marriages are wrong im sure you can find a christian girl

  • November 21, 2011 1:45 pm

    Well..
    reading what admin said makes a lot of sense.
    im just typing this message as a pat on the back for admin.

    Yours sincerely
    Ron.

  • Anoop
    November 15, 2011 9:20 am

    Marthomites arent fundamentalists.If you love her a lot and your heart aches when you think of her,marry her.You love her for who she is,and her religion and her parents have contributed to what she is today.Christ loves and loves even when you spit and hurt him like when he was led to the cross.Im a Marthomite ,and I know for certain that the bishops(Chrysostom is the best example) can guide you.
    He has gone to Hindu Ashrams and appreciates the goodness in them.Dont worry,have a
    chat with him.And the let the Lord guide you.

    • Susan
      October 17, 2012 3:14 pm

      Hello Anoop, I want to know about Chrysostom Bishop u were talking about. I am Marthomite too and going to marry (inter-state) a guy whose mother is a baptized catholic but father is not. We are going for a church marriage. But the catholic church to which they belong is asking a NO-objection certificate even to fix the date. while Marthoma priest is not officially supposed to give it before calling the “kuri” 2 times.Can the guy be baptised in a Marthoma church in his place?

  • a_christian_guy
    July 15, 2011 2:47 am

    @Naveekaranavedi:- You are a either a mere loser in life or a 60 yr old fundamentalist, who is narrow-minded to know what world is.

  • Naveekaranavedi
    July 11, 2011 9:53 am

    Dear Pradeep

    I am surprised at the fact that you are in love with a Hindu girl for the last fifteen years. Are you a mere ‘ on paper ‘ Christian grown up without any fellowship with the Church ? Ignorance of faiths & practices of Mar Thoma Church reflected in your query, prompts me to think so. If your parents brought you up from childhood, in fellowship with the Church and peer Christians, this story would have been a completely different one. A true Christian youngster grown up actively participating in Sunday School & Youth Fellowship of the Church, CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE marrying a Hindu girl unwilling to accept Christianity.

    You cannot vindicate yourself using CHRIST. CHRIST himself said, ” I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE ” and ” NO ONE REACHES GOD EXCEPT THROUGH ME ” and ” YOU CANNOT SERVE ME & DEMON SIMULTANEOUSLY “.These quotes of Christ are part of history. You cannot put words in the mouth of CHRIST to suit your personal preferences.

    I assume you as a cute, intelligent, smart youngster. My dear Pradeep, have you ever thought of a situation – you loosing all these good qualities one day, suddenly. Suppose you meet with a serious road accident, injured on head, lost all cuteness & smartness and forced to spend your remaining life time on bed. Will your so called Hindu fiancee take care of the bed ridden ‘you’ forever. She will most probably pack up and say ‘Good Bye’ to you. Most inter religious love affairs are based on these unpredictable physical qualities.

    Jesus Christ loves you & wants you, no matter whichever state you are in life. Whether you are beautiful or not, wealthy or not, smart or not doesn’t matter to Christ. Jesus accepts you when fellow humans reject you. The only thing you need to do is accept Christ as your only God and pray HIM to pardon your sins.

    Life of a Christian is meant to execute the will of Christ. Jesus has unique plans for everyone who follow him. The choice of your profession, choice of life partner etc must be done as per the will of Christ. Succumb yourself to Christ and allow HIM to execute HIS will in you.

    A devoted Christian girl is waiting somewhere for you. Pray to Christ and HE will guide you to her. You should say a gentle ‘ NO ‘ to your current Hindu fiancee as she is unwilling to accept Christ. Tell her ‘ I PREFER CHRIST TO YOU ‘. You may face some emotional difficulties initially. Pray in tears to Christ. HE will help you overcome these emotional stress. There are many priests in Mar Thoma Church, who are also professional counsellors. You can seek their help also. When you look back after some years, this affair will appear to you as ‘mere silliness’.

    Live in active fellowship with Church. Mingle with other devoted Christians through youth fellowships & other Church activities. You will transform yourself and grow in Christ. Don’t succumb to emotions and marry a non – Christian. Most such marriages are ending up in accute family problems, criminalism & divorce. Bible also warns that marrying a non Christian will lead to family problems.

    For any further help you can contact Bishops of Mar Thoma Church through : http://marthoma.in.

    +++++++++++BLESSINGS OF CHRIST BE WITH YOU+++++++++++++++

    • JIJO THOMAS
      March 7, 2012 1:53 pm

      @ Naveekaranavedi,

      First of all tell me who the Fuck are you?? U claim somebody just coz he is in Love to a Hindu Girl is a Paper Christian???

      The world is Polluted today is only coz of sick and Dumb headed assholes like you, who will always think from there religious dickhead point of views…..

      According to you, all those idiots who attends Sunday Schools n kept going to church evey Sunday will be the real Son of Gods entering the Heaven gates????

      Tell me one thing all those who worship Christ n that too belonging to a particular sect will go to heaven correct?/ rest all others be it Hindu’s, Muslims n more over christians 4m other sects will go to hell correct….
      I dont know which world u people come from…

      Then u can always say that each n every thing written In BIBLE are the word of God and stands valid for all those verses u quotes above…

      Please dare to think beyond the obvious..
      try n research it out about the History of the Bible itself….
      but even then dick heads like you will never understand….

      The real intellect person knows n will be able to see that that all these religions existed in different times in the history only to give several options to an individual to attain the path to lead a guided and happy life!!!

      and I will be dead right to conclude that a Saint like Mother Teresa Will be going to Hell ,since she also like all other Catholic underwent baptism as a child unlike the pentecostal way of baptism correct???

      and a People like Mahatama or Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela will be burnt in Hell ??

      People like you are a disgrace to this Whole World!!!

      The only Problem with this kind of fundementalistic assholes is that they believe that Only there way of faith is THE only way whereas the Faiths are all Devil Worship???

      Ignoring the fact that the word Faith in itself means to “be believing in something that is not fact”!!

    • Aiswarya
      November 3, 2015 4:27 am

      This is the most idiotic comment I read every,dear religious lunatic pls go hang yourself.

    • Aiswarya
      November 3, 2015 4:31 am

      This is the most idiotic comment I have ever read in my whole life,
      dear religious lunatic how do you justify your thinking is what surprises me.

  • Naveekaranavedi
    July 11, 2011 8:33 am

    Question No : 1 ( Answer )

    Mar Thoma Church DOES NOT approve inter religious marriage. The non Christian partner MUST recieve Baptism before marriage. Baptism is NOT
    a mere ritual. Adult Baptism is the proclamation of rejection of non – Christian religious teachings & exclusive and unconditional acceptance of Christian Principles. Mar Thoma Church DOES NOT accept the principle – ALL RELIGIONS ARE DIFFERENT PATHS TO GOD.

    Once a non Christian adult is Baptised, he / she MUST EXCLUSIVELY follow Christianity. Following other religions after Baptism will invite consequences like EXPULSION FROM CHURCH.

    If you marry the girl before she receive Baptism, you will also face EXPULSION FROM CHURCH.

    Question No : 2 ( Answer )

    Only children of Baptised practicing Christian parents ( father & mother ) will be given Baptism. Only after Baptism, a person will be legally treated as a Christian & member of Mar Thoma Church.

    • rc
      June 30, 2012 2:13 pm

      hello…can i ask u a question…who created human beings???hope u will say god…did he create man as hindu,muslim christian buddist etc etc…hope u will say no…then god know very well that a hindu will follow hinduism,..muslim islam…christian will follow christianity…all these laws are created by humans rt…god is least bothered about it rt…

      in ur response i read “Suppose you meet with a serious road accident, injured on head, lost all cuteness & smartness and forced to spend your remaining life time on bed. Will your so called Hindu fiancee take care of the bed ridden ‘you’ forever”…does a christian fiancee will be ready for it ??but that hindu lover may be even ready 4 tat..we dont know tat…

      and if u see a person who met with serious road accident will you go and treat him ..and i hope this is wat jesus asked us to do in his teachings…

    • December 30, 2013 1:27 am

      m a hindu girl facing the same problem.. loving a marthoma guy.. i am very well out of this religious discrimination.. it dosnt matters me if i am a hindu or my love is a christian.. neither does that guy believes in such religious differences.. but his family forced him to leave me because marthoma church does not support interfaith marriages and if an individual indulges in such a marriage.. his whole family is excluded or say banned from the church.. i mean.. why are such strict rules set? christianity teaches loves.. den y in d name of LORD these churches make al their efforts to separate them? Religion ws made just to bring order in people’s lives.. to make d evil fear the good.. not to separate two loving hearts for al deir lives.. just because we both dont want his family to suffer because of our love we are staying away from each oder.. ignoring our feelings our needs.. everything.. smtyms i feel like protesting wildly against such church rules that believe in spreading their religion instead of spreadind the love..

      Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=7528

      • K.James
        May 30, 2015 4:30 am

        Divinna,

        You dont have parents?

        Did you ever thought about them??

        • Mital
          July 8, 2015 5:53 am

          Divinna is right at her place. Probably not about protesting wildly against churches but yeah, it’s true that people should not be stopped from getting married to the one whom they love.

          If we all have same color of blood, from just seeing a person you can’t identify his/her religion, why do people differentiate people then? I’m not saying to leave our religion, but it’s about being a true believer who believes in One God.

          Parents should understand this simple fact and not force their children or do emotional blackmailing to leave their beloved ones who is from some other caste. They should instead check the other one’s love and see if he/she is right for their child.

          Love is a form of God, it’s a worship to God. If it was not God’s will, it would never have happened.

      • January 27, 2016 7:34 am

        I am too facing the same situation like of Divianna.In love with a marthoma guy now forcefully have to part our ways as marthoma churches doesn’t accepts inter-faith marriage. If anyone does so the entire family would be expelled from the church. It’s really hurting… After all we all are humans…y still dese rules persists…

        Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=10986

Leave A Comment