Failed love or a smart move?

Sasha says: July 4, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Fathima, I would first like to say that you are very young girl. Having passed my twenties and approaching my thirties, I have learned many many things about myself. Firstly, what you want at 21 is completely different than what you want when you are a little bit older & mature to get married. I’m not trying to say that your love is not true or that your feelings are not real. I am certain they are.

Failed love or a smart move? We often find ourselves in a struggle of love at the age you are for the following reasons. 1) It’s the time we start becoming adults and our feelings are intensified as we start developing more meaningful relationships than what we did in our teenage years; 2) This is the age that we start thinking about marriage and our future so meeting someone wonderful during this time makes us believe we are more in love than we truly are. I’m saying this from experience. The love you share with your bf now, it will change over time, so you must really think deep and hard to if this boy really has every single quality you are looking for in a man. I’m not talking about just romance and “chemistry”. When you get married, romance and chemistry become secondary, if not tertiary.

I have been in love with a Hindu and now I am married to my Muslim husband. Few years back, I wanted to marry this hindu. I felt like life could not go on without him and it was all over and there was no life without him. I don’t feel any of that now. It’s not that the love went away or it wasn’t real, but marriage encompasses so many other aspects besides what you share at a young age. I had to really sit down and put my romantic feelings aside and determine if this person has the qualities that will SUSTAIN a marriage. My Hindu bf at that time was wonderful, romantic, madly in love with me. However, when I thought about raising kids with him, our values clashed. I am practicing (moderately) Muslim. I wanted to make sure I had someone to fast with in Ramadan, someone to push me to read namaz and live by the values of Islam. All this nonsense of honor killing and community is problematic in some areas but really put that aside and think about yourself.

Marriage is holistic Fatima. It doesn’t become about you and him anymore. It becomes about family interactions. For example, poojas for Hindus and ramadan for Muslims. Doing things together that bind you as a family. It takes INCREDIBLE strength to try to manage two cultures/religions and unhappy families. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. But, I’ve also seen it work in many instances, but I will tell you in those instances, I’ve always heard from (especially the woman) that it’s a very big challenge. The only way the challenges are minimized is when you have two very modern families whose beliefs are more laxed. It all depends on YOUR strength, your relationship with your parents and your deen. If you are a religious person to some extent, then you will want someone to believe in Islam the way that you do when you are older. It won’t matter anymore that he’s funny or cute or romantic, or even a good human. That’s not enough when it comes to marriage IF you infact want to incorporate religion in your life.

If you are open to practicing both and incorporating both then you both have to discuss this at a very mature level. Once you two have an understanding of how you can live together you must consider parents/extended family. While the shock does fade over time, I can tell you that the relationships change. Especially daughters and mothers. I could not bare to hurt my mother so it was a big reason I left him, but later realized it’s what I wanted inside because I truly wanted my children and myself to improve in my own faith. I wasn’t ready to incorporate another faith that I didn’t grow up with or believe in. You need to think about all this. I was the same as you. I wanted to marry him, couldn’t live without him. Again, I am able to and I love my husband and I love that my family is happy. I realized now that my feelings were so intensified due to our chemistry but if I was to have married him (Hindu) now I would not have been content.

Another thing about him being settled. It adds much burden to one’s relationship, so you also have that factor on your shoulders, however, I’m assuming he is also quite young. Darling, I know how emotional this situation can be. If you remove all the emotion and stick to the facts it becomes easier. If you truly cannot imagine your life without this guy and see your values, ideals, future plans, personalities, all in line then you must be prepared to fight & have ALOT of patience. If I know Muslim parents, they are very strong minded and you will face much resistance. Some races/religions are more open and some more closely knit. One is not better than the other and this nonsense someone posted about muslim wives being tortured is so narrow. Maybe in small very desolate communities but in most cases especially in America no man keeps 4 wives and even the ones that do, it’s not out of disrespect but other familial reasons that we cannot judge. People are so easily jumping to conclude it’s “torture”. Even in hindu communities there is much hypocrisy and unfairness against women. This is not Hindu/Muslim battle. Both and all cultures have it’s pros and cons. Many great Muslim boys out there as well as Hindus’. Let’s look past at criticizing the other and focus on the real challenges within interfaith marriage.

Best of Luck to you Fathima. Please let me know if you have any other thoughts or need further advice. My duas are with you. -Sasha.

Sasha: I never asked him to convert……
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Also read: Islamic Women Today, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu girl, Muslim girl, Hindu boy, Muslim boy,

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39 Comments

  • Anonymous3
    October 12, 2012 10:39 pm

    Wow…Sasha you dumped your Hindu Boyfriend for one that comes from your religion instead?? I don’t mean out of religious terms but as a human, was that not selfish of you to take the Easy road out? Who’s to say you even loved the guy and had true chemistry with him? You seemed to only care for yourself as to how the relationship will affect you. It does not seem to be implied, let alone spelled out that you were EMPATHETIC for your Ex-Hindu boyfriend for trying to make your relationship work. It may not have seemed easy but as you said “by pushing each other” as you wanted a husband to push you for reading the “Namaz”, you would have been able to succeed in making a life together with your Hindu-EX. Instead to me it seemed you choose the easy way out and probably no different than a White girl picking the richer guy over the middle class one. All because the “children will grow up better”. The parents do hold the faith of deciding what religion their children should follow when they enter this world but in the end it will come down to children, as they grow up.

    There are many examples such as https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=312 and https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=2985 where the relationship has worked. Also your children will be growing up in a modern century where religion is not very strict as the parent generation like to believe. I mean you probably don’t even wear the Hijab all the time and putting that picture up is haram without your husband’s consent. What I mean to say from these allegations is that children are being raised so fast that they are expected to know things where we may have only known at age 14, all thanks to technology. So if you managed to raise your child ethically then he/she would know from right and wrong without strict guidance from a particular religion. Like for example http://ca.news.yahoo.com/pakistani-girl-spoke-against-taliban-shot-wounded-095818763.html this girl in this article is an example of children growing up fast to see what is right and wrong. She wanted an education and was shot for being Pro-Westen and pro Prez. Obama despite being raised a MUSLIM IN PAKISTAN.

    I relate this to you because your lack of faith in this other man for raising your children is what caused you to leave him, not because it was the “right thing to do” and Allah said so through prophet Mohammad. Even the fact your mother would have been offended…which may be true as a religious matter but as Any real mother, she would have forgiven you as countless families have learned to not let religion come in between their children’s happiness (Ex. Gauri Khans family..wife of shahrukh khan). Also you did not even mention how the other guy felt (And i am sure he was heartbroken) OR how you tried to make it work but instead you just dropped things and did what everybody wanted for you, as an alternative of choosing for yourself. IN the end it seems that you have succumb to denial by acknowledging it would never worked out with your EX-and thank god in your case, your change in decision seem to turn out fine…..Which in any other case the women would have stayed faithful despite religion, as millions of wives in hisotry have sacrificed their honor for men they TRULY LOVED.

    • Anonymous3
      October 12, 2012 10:49 pm

      As an Additions To that! YOU Never mentioned how long you been with Guy at ALL! This may have been the factor for your lack of faith in him and in Loyalty. Not because he was from a different religion and he would not been capable of raising your children properly due to different religious views.

  • Nadia
    September 24, 2012 12:35 pm

    wow..hello everyone…
    i used to be at ur situation sasha 🙂
    in love with hindu guy, thn he got married to his hindu wife…and now i’m committed with my muslim boyfriend 😀
    i’m so glad that i found him, he can teach me namaz, how to recite quran. my hindu ex bf is from south india, and my muslim bf also from south india 🙂 i’m a very naughty girl during my college time, but i after i met my muslim bf, i changed a lot..he teach me a lot of things abt islam culture, i like hearing him recite quran. Trust me, to marry someone with the same religion is better. I thanks to Allah because everything is fine, his mum and his dad can accept me a girl from different country. I hope fathima also can find a muslim guy and marry him. Always put Allah first, thn everything will be fine 😀

    Reply to Nadia at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=2972

  • Sameer
    July 13, 2012 4:10 pm

    Sasha,

    Your life could have been better with your true love, no one is mature unless time teaches them to be. So you took a wrong decision to dump your love and then cried days and night to forget him. But you know what you still love him that’s why you came here to show your love. But in a way i think love from your side was not that strong, as you used you brain only, and not your heart and brain, heart is where the love. That’s what brings peace and togetherness.

    Regarding that he is a hindu it would matter only when he would have asked you to convert to Hinduism, but he didn’t, he didnt ask you to convert, he was broad minded. You could very well be a muslim and married to hindu guy. Thats what is the correct. Hinduism does not force anyone to convert nor does it promotes conversion, unlike Islamic countries where girl will have to convert, brining huge unhappiness to parents. That was not debate line but some facts.

    Think about it

    • chris
      July 15, 2012 5:16 am

      Sameer,
      It is interesting to read your opinion. The main problem in a inter marriage is the children. How are they going to bring them up. I won’t say it is impossible but each parents, if they are staunch in their religious view will try to impose their own religion teaching and at the same time a competition will be going on between the husband and wife. It is not health for the relationship or the children.
      It that way I will salute Sasha, for her decision.It is better than becoming and behave like a prostitute. The best example is the mother of AR Rahman(Dilip), the famous music director, They were hindus until the father passed away. The moment, the father died, the mother converted the whole family into Islam by giving some silly excuse like disease.
      How sincere she was with her husband is questionable. Do you think she is worst then a prostitute. I classified her as religious prostitute.

    • July 15, 2012 11:19 am

      Sameer,
      We are happy that Sasha used her brain, not only her heart as you are suggesting. If your faith is important, one has to think through how your whole life will go.

      Let’s take a Christian-Muslim marriage as an example. As per the Shahadah oath to convert to Islam for Nikaah, you accept and declare that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his apostle. Further, you acknowledge that associating others (like Jesus) with Allah is the greatest of all sins. Similarly, baptism before a church wedding means conversion to Christianity and a commitment to repudiate former practices (of Islam) and to live with Christ forever. You must ask yourself what is your intention?

      Further, what “label” will go on the Christian-Muslim couple’s children? Baptism or Sunat?

      • Sameer
        July 15, 2012 12:37 pm

        Admin, Chris

        I suggested to use both brain and heart, not only brain, which is very intelligent in non emotional fashion. There is no published article i can show what i actually meant.

        My other significant point was Christians are to great a extent are following religion of humanisms, live and let live, thus peace prevails.

        So yes few ( extremely small percentage) are have trouble marrying other religion people. None of them is going to extent of killing. Which is wrong in humanitarian grounds , whicb always overrides any religion a person follows.

        She did not let the humanism override her birth religion. Usually people do right things which is right according to humanism not any specific religion

        All religion must be compatible with humanity. All of developed country follow humanism, we have a long way to reach there.

        • July 15, 2012 3:15 pm

          Sameer,
          Basically Sasha, Chris, you and us may be saying the same thing. We all agree that humanity is important. However every one has their own faith, belief system and has to know what they want from their life. That is easy to do with mind than heart alone. For Salman, Seema and Shah Rukh khan, it may be okay incorporating Hindu/Sikh values into their Muslim belief system, but others may not be okay with it. “Indian” guy on our web site would say they are not Muslims. Every one has rights to believe what they want to, and do what is right for them. However, we all believe that….to change your mind after getting married and imposing own beliefs on spouse and children by interfaith marriage is wrong. Comeback to guide other youths.

  • July 11, 2012 2:01 pm

    @ admin and all,

    What Chris has mentioned, in response to Sasha, can not be ignored. Sure, it looks like ‘out of touch’ with what this website is for, though it is not. On other hand, can we really neglect much larger humanitarian issues?

    Chris mentioning some Islamic laws as enacted by Muslim majority nations carries powerful message to those who keep their eyes open. Any one who has read those laws will immediately understand the dehumanization of Non-Muslims that takes place in Muslim nations. Underlying truth is that these laws are based on Koran and Sunna.

    In essence, Koran influences how Muslims, as a community, and also as individuals, think and behave towards Non-Muslims. It is very easy to see from what Chris wrote that Muslims think of Non-Muslims as sub humans.

    Considering that Muslims over the world have same Koran, how come any one think that attitudes of Muslims in India towards Hindus (Non-Muslims)will be different from those Muslims in Muslim majority nations? One must be in delusions to think Muslims in India do not think about Hindus as sub humans.

    With such teachings coming from Koran, why should any Hindu girl marry a Muslim man, just because he said ‘I love you’? It equally goes for Hindu boys wanting to marry a Muslim girls.

    If a Muslim guy or a girl says they are, even if slightly, religious, it is better to dump them right there.

    Thanks Chris, for showing courage to point out those laws in this politically correct atmosphere.

    • July 11, 2012 11:14 pm

      Abrahamics are monotheist, meaning there is only one God and that is mine. Between three of them, they have not settled yet if Jesus is a Son of God or an apostle. Not every Abrahamic carry this exclusivist supremacist thinking, however any one dating an Abrahamic (including two dating interfaith Abrahamics – like Christian-Jew or Jew-Muslim) has to ask a simple question…..Do I have to BBS? More specifically, what BBS label will go on the children by this interfaith marriage? The later question will help you make an “informed” decision for your hoped for interfaith marriage with EQUALITY.

    • chris
      July 12, 2012 5:42 am

      Hi,Srinivas,thanks brother.
      The problem with some people is they can’t accept that Their religion COULD be wrong.They are scared if whatever they have been made to believe MIGHT be useless.They are worried if their believe on the book could be proven as piece of junk.
      Some people have no courage to stand up for the truth.Like Indian,I am sure, he is trying to console himself by saying he did the right thing by renouncing Hinduism.He strongly believe,what he did to his parents and family and those people whom had loved him justified bcoz he is in the right path.Islam says,the heaven is under the mothers feet but the same quran says it is okay to hurt your mother by converting to Islam.To be fair to Islam,it does encourage the new convertee to be in touch with his family BUT there is a catch..you must always try to preach about the beauty of Islam to this Kafir family.I just wonder where is the sincerity in a relationship.It is the duty of each muslim to preach about Islam whenever and whereever possible and make the non believer/muslim to belive in Allah.That’s exactly what this people are doing.
      I don’t care of the number game,this people are playing but I cann stand those are not sincere to themselves.
      Can a muslim shed his believe for just ONE DAy and look at what is happening with an open heart???
      I can and I did.That’s why i can be very2 critical of Hinduism when comes things that I am not agreeable or until somebody can enlighten me.What I am saying is just leave behind your shell and look at something as a third person.If you love your family,you must know how the third person think about your family.
      Hope Indian and Sasha will read N RESPOND.

  • Indian
    July 9, 2012 2:29 pm

    Sasha,

    Excellent advice !!!!
    As the recent high court judge said regarding these so called marriages….that young kids marry in hurry and repent in leisure.

    Many Muslims girls have destroyed their life and i know few of them.

    As for Hinduism, it is not even a religion but only a culture which keeps changing with times. I was a hindu and it took me years to find out the truth…and today mashallah i am a muslim.

    It takes great sincerity and education to know the truth. I have read and studied the vedas, Bible, Guru granth and finally the Quran to know the truth. I have pleaded for years to god to show me the truth and right path. I have been blessed by Allah.
    People who are commenting dont even know the truth and I can bet that they havent read either the vedas or Quran but jump in to talk as if they know everything. It is simply prejudice/bias and arrogance.

    • Mostly truth
      July 10, 2012 11:12 pm

      @ Indian,
      Its great that you discovered the truth, but unfortunately you did not study well the Hinduism, do you ecen know the concept of god in Hinduism? Hindus believe in one super soul that grants everything human needs, you connect with that god by meditation, which is proced by God Buddha. This is the truth which my friend you could not realise? So i conclude you are just a Islamic missionary looking to convert non muslims by your fake story, which does not sounds true at all.

      Muslim girls ARE allowed to marry guys of any religion, specificily hindu relgion allows hindu boy to marry muslim girls, so what are you talking about. You must be knowing just one odd case, and you are making it appear as you know all the love stories between all the affair. Do you have a proof? World know what you guys do, please prepare better next time for you propaganda talk.

    • xMuslim
      July 10, 2012 11:18 pm

      @Indian – I know you would not answer this, this will prove your real islam.

      What quran says as punishment for a person who converts to Christianity Or a Hinduism.

      My and the world understanding is that Qur’an tells all muslims to MURDER/ Kill the person who converts to other religions, why is it so please explain.

    • chris
      July 11, 2012 3:55 am

      hi, Indian, if you are really one.
      Nice to hear you and thanks for jumping in.BTW,I thought I threw a challenge for debate to you but no reply yet.
      You said you read the vedas? Which one?Did you really read the vedas or just google some verses to support your arguements?
      Can you tell me, what you mean by read and studied?
      It took me almost 1year just to read,understand and COMPREHEND just one chapter from The Rig Veda by Ralph T.H. Griffith, Translator
      Book 1.i also did some cross checking with the original rig veda and confronted those who are well versed in the meaning of those hymns.I just don’t simply pick and choose what ever my parents,or grandparents said.I enquired and arqued with many scholars about these vedas(Which you cannot do in your new found religion and Quran).i haven’t finish studying the vedas and as the saying goes ONE life is not enough to REALLY finish reading the vedas.I am frankly don’t think I can finish it.When I said studying the vedas, I mean to UNDERSTAND and COMPREHEND,what is written and what it ACTUALLY try to convey.So,it is a wonder that you had mastered the vedas and the puranas,the bible and the Quran in a very short period of time.
      Just out of curiosity,can you tell me the stages of prayers in hinduism or the different method mentioned on how you can pray?

      • Indian
        July 11, 2012 5:00 am

        Dear xmuslim,
        The problem is of ignorance about islam or probably actions of some muslims or probably wrong western press which results in islamphobia.

        To your question ….Quran does not give any punishment for people who turn away from islam or people who do not follow Islam. Quran does not give any right to anyone to judge others. The judgement will only be given to Allah.The closest verse which talks about it is given below
        “But those who reject faith after they accepted it, and then go on adding to their defiance of faith never will their repentance be accepted; for they are those who have [of set purpose] gone astray”. (Aal-`Imran 3:90)
        It does not talk about any punishment but says that only Allah will judge these people.

        • xMuslim
          July 11, 2012 6:52 am

          Absolutly correct Indian, Quran does not explicitly tells that.

          Now please tell us what’s the punishment in islamic countries for a person who choose another religions, more specifically non Abrahamic religion, please provide some proof to you answers.

        • Srinivas
          July 11, 2012 10:19 am

          Are we ignoring something here?

          Islam is not Koran only affair. There are about 90 verses in Koran that tell Muslims to follow and obey Prophet Mohammad.

          And he said, “Kill those Muslims who leave Islam.” (Sahih Bukhari; volume 4, Book 52, # 250)

          • Amir
            September 25, 2012 1:35 am

            What about Mahabharat, mass killing for Land acquisition. Even kill the relatives. Then it becomes justified and war for truth..LOL

          • Amir
            September 25, 2012 1:57 am

            By the way, your reference is wrong, however it is correct, if some muslim leaves his religion he ought to be killed, Quran does not say this but it is in Hadith, so it is agreeable. There is some flexibility given for extreme cases, but it is discouraged to give up religion for a muslim.

          • September 25, 2012 2:30 am

            Amir,
            Shamim is now happily pregnant with Rahul. Further she stated, interfaith marriage “…WAS prohibited that rule was only valid within a context.” How would Hadith or Koran recommend for her now? What would you say to her?

    • The Jew
      July 11, 2012 11:46 pm

      And the so called “Indian” ran away as usual,typical of him, he does that when ever he encounter truth. Here it show how fanatic this muslim scholar, doesn’t have a courage to talk to the Men. Pity on him.

    • Satyen
      July 16, 2012 7:45 pm

      I am pretty sure you either you might have studied the Veda’s erratic translation by the westerners with half cooked knowledge of Sanskrit or by an ignorant. It was same as reading the Quran’s translation by a Christian evangelist. The Vedas are known to have influenced many of the great brains. Just google something like Vedic ‘philosophy and scientists’ and you will find plethora of incidences. You can go to the sites ‘hinduwisdom.info’ or ‘agniveer.com’ and see the Vedas vis a vis other religions especially Islam.

      One more possibility could be you might be applying Taqia to influence the Muslim women to keep them under shacles.

  • The Jew
    July 9, 2012 11:11 am

    @chris- Each word you have said is exactly right, exactly what muslims do, the reason the so called “Sasha” is not replying straight is because there is no denial from truth thats written in there book, he/she has no answer, no ideaon what to respond so as to not get more reply from you, basically afraid of you. There are couple of chaps who are self made Public relations for all muslims- what i feel is this person is not more than a guy who is equally non sensical like the guy named “Indian” whoes only job is to speak pro islam things and those who shows the truth on what really Muslims do, they have standard canned answer for it. Every religion has right to live- but these guys differentiate humans according to muslim and non Muslim, and apply different policy towards them. West has seen enough of this its just the matter of threshold that western world has, Asians are historically to weak to react violently to these guys, thats there biggest strength. In india hindus, Christian jain sikhs and all religion are tolerant but islam religon of peice is a wrong choice in the world, as the peace is only for muslims alone. France,UK, Sweden and india all of these must force these idiots to be secular, or throw them out to there islamic country. These muslims have so confused vocab that they have a different Islamic meaning of secularism, god what intelligent idiots! Nice work for humanity Chris, i wish i was as intelligent and patients like you. Have a good one.

    • Sasha
      July 9, 2012 1:43 pm

      So both “The Jew” and “Chris” turned this from a open, non discriminating forum to Islam Bashing? HA HA – yes Mr. Jew, I’m very very afraid of Chris, shaking in my seat as we speak dude. If I wanted to discuss the politics of Islam and respond to bullying questions from ignorant people such as you both, I would be on another website not this one. One needs to ask an intelligent question to get an answer. The only thing I’m afraid of is how pathetic your buddy Chris’s questions and comments are, lucky he found someone as narrow minded as him. Just belligerent uninteresting questions that don’t deserve a reply. Why give answers to ridiculous hateful comments when I have not made a single one against hindus or any other religion for that matter. And funny, we “Muslims” are the violent ones. This blog would prove otherwise. Both your pea sized brains are too small for any real discussion. You two have already made up your minds about Islam based on your narrow view of the only negative things you see and hear. I love how the ignorant ones compliment each other on their “intelligence” LOL. Maybe we’ll get another comment from a third stooge! It’s clear from the blog I’m a girl if I’m talking about my husband yet, Mr. Jew didn’t know my gender and didn’t bother to read my post. Just, simply jumped on the anti-Islam bandwagon. Bravo Mr. Intellectuals! This site is for discussing openly the decisions that have to be made within Interfaith marriages incase you didn’t notice. Not for people to get attacked and having to defend their religion. I am tolerant of all religions and have hate for nobody in my heart and I’d like to keep it that way. Why don’t you two go start an anti Islam blog, would be better suited for you fabulous bigots. Ciao!

      • The Jew
        July 9, 2012 3:49 pm

        Sasha darling i was just laughing hard to read your typical lines, you are great:) you actually proved that you dont know what we are talking about. What ever you wrote, with your brother Indian ( thanks god he converted, hindus got an idiot out) is just so funny and so typical. if you dont have any answers darling why write garbage novel plus you are such a genius, you wrote entire novel and it didn’t even make any sense. Not one point is clear, excellent. Ok got to read what your brother responded, btw are you and indian same? I thought “indian” needed someone for supporting his views on islam, so he created you. So remembering great muslims ( Osama, Palestine, honor killing fathers , rapist Muslims, Saudi shaikhs who give you money, Taliban, and forgot sucide bombers, Christian and Jew killers and other personality of Islamic world) keep up the good work. Whole world is proud, we and all non Muslims are idiots to not accept islam, but we are happy this way 😉

      • chris
        July 11, 2012 4:22 am

        Dear Sasha,
        The line between stupidity and intelligent is indeed very thin.Once when somebody said the earth revolves around the sun and not the other way round,people called him stupid and was punished…But now we know the truth right.
        I am not sure,if my question here is intelligent or not but can you pls try to answer.
        Question: Can you tell me exactly when Quran was written or put in writing?A very simple question right?
        And try

      • chris
        July 11, 2012 4:30 am

        Dear Sasha,
        The line between stupidity and intelligent is indeed very thin.Once when somebody said the earth revolves around the sun and not the other way round,people called him stupid and was punished…But now we know the truth right.
        I am not sure,if my question here is intelligent or not but can you pls try to answer.
        Question: Can you tell me exactly when Quran was written or put in writing?A very simple question right?
        And you being an intelligent entity,Do you care to answer my other questions too.
        My religion teaches me to questions everything and everybody,even the god,if I have doubt.Only when your mind is clear of doubt,can you believe and trust somebody or something wholeheartedly.The luxury not condone to you.
        So,I always ask questions.An intelligent people will give an intelligent answer and a person who has no answer or know the answer is wrong will try to run away from answering it.

  • July 8, 2012 11:39 am

    To youths,

    Read an excellent message by Mohammad Mujtaba to Ashok who is willing to convert to Islam and be circumcised.

    Interfaith marriage is not for every one. There are so many factors playing role and involves so many sacrifices, so you must evaluate your personal situation critically without emotions.

    Here Sasha realized that she was not comfortable sharing Hindu values, like pooja (that SRK has no problem performing it), for her life. She has rights to make her own choices. It is admirable that she realized in time for what is right for her and took a difficult decision before it is too late.

    If faith is critical to you, probably interfaith marriage is not for you (unless you are a love-proselytizer). To impose your religious beliefs (like BBS) on your interfaith spouse (and later on interfaith children) under any excuse will ultimately create hell in later life for the couple, children involved and two extended families (read Nirmla, Leona, Dee, Madiha, etc). Here, Sasha made an “informed” decision that is appropriate for her and should be congratulated.

    • Sasha
      July 9, 2012 1:47 pm

      Admin – Many thanks for your comments. I hope more young youths can make more informed decisions rather than rash ones. Everyone has the right to be happy and live the way they please. I wish all of those young youths struggling to really sit down and make the decision with both their hearts and their head. I know parents can be difficult to talk with but I advise that you first make the decision for yourself then involve your parents. If you are comfortable dealing with all the challenges then be strong in your decision, if you waiver back and forth, and don’t decide what you want for yourself, then you will never bring anyone on your side. I’ve seen couples agree to one thing before kids and when the kids come, have completely different opinions. The worst thing is to be on two different pages AFTER you are married. Best of Luck!

      • July 10, 2012 11:00 pm

        Sasha,
        Thanks for sharing your personal life in great details; other youths will benefit from it. We 100% agree with you that the most critical question in any interfaith marriage is …. what religion will your children follow? Unfortunately not all youths have your level of maturity in their early 20s. Please come back again and again to guide them.

        We are not here to promote or eliminate any religion. Further, we are not here to MAKE A DECISION FOR interfaith dating youths. We wish to help youths make an “informed” decision that is right for them, even if that decision is an interfaith marriage.

        Thank you ALL other bloggers for your views and spending your valuable time for others. It is perfectly fine to share contradictory views or expose others, but every time you write, please keep in mind the objective is to help the next youth in love. Thanks.

    • agnostic
      November 17, 2012 10:34 am

      Good thinking and great decision.

      You were honest to know what’s important to you and what you cannot handle. And did not fool yourself into believing that you can do with a hindu husband all because love marriages and inter faith marriages are “cool”.

      I hope many more people learn how to think this way.

      Your right- unless both families are super modern and maybe rich, chances are that religion and rituals play a huge part in their daily lives. And it;s super hard and challenging to work things out.

  • chris
    July 7, 2012 4:00 am

    Sasha,
    I would like to continue my questions.In my previous posting I asked about Diyya (or blood money).
    Now let me refresh your first reply to Fathima that you did fall in love with Kafir.
    My questions are:
    1.When you fall in love with the kafir, don’t you know Islam prohibit such relationship? or
    2.You were intended to make him a muslim from the beginning? So,when you couldn’t make him convert to Islam (my assumption), you dumped him?

    As you put it you need somebody to fast with you, somebody to nawaz with, if so, you were not sincere in the relationship…with the kafir. I couldn’t bring myself to call that LOVE, for love is such a pure, genuine feeling. You do have love but for ISLAM and not for another human being. I am sure, if your current husband by any change renounce, you are more then willing to dump him or even kill him. Am I wrong, Sasha? What do you call a person..if I can call them person..who are not sincere in their relationship, Shasa?
    Sasha, You left with a chuckle.
    BTW, Do you know, may be you know better, just like unreported violence and crime…there are many news not published. For example, do you know almost 60-80% of those converted to Islam renounced the religion between 2-5 years. Not many article about it right? There are many others stuckk with ISLAm because the law of the country prohibit a muslim from renouncing the beautiful, peaceful and no forcing…namely ISLAM. Many years ago, I was in a MUslim country..One of the MUFTI there said almost 1-1.5 million muslims there are waiting to renounce the religion..only if the law allows it. Bear in mind..they are still considered muslim, eventhough their heart is not there.
    I WILL continue if you are interested.

    • Sasha
      July 8, 2012 6:03 pm

      “1.When you fall in love with the kafir, don’t you know Islam prohibit such relationship? or
      2.You were intended to make him a muslim from the beginning? So,when you couldn’t make him convert to Islam (my assumption), you dumped him?”

      Chris, I will respond to your questions, but you are not someone worth a discussion with. You are a bigot, misinformed and one sided. You responses are pathetic.

      1. Yes I did, however, I was young and not very religious
      2. Well your “assumptions” are many and your “assumptions” are wrong AGAIN. To answer #2, I never once asked him to convert, infact he even thought about it and i told him no, how can you leave behind a faith you were raised in and do that to your parents?

      My quest was to see if I can integrate both religions in my life. I had no influence from anyone but myself. He pushed me to practice hinduism and Islam. So, I took 3-4 months to look into Both religions. I wasn’t into religion at all as I was young and typical into nothing but having fun. I knew alot about Islam, not much about Hindusim. My belief in Islam clashed with what I read about Hindusim, and I couldn’t accept it for myself. I had nothing negative against it and as I said, would have felt utter guilt if he converted for my sake. I never wanted to change him. All I asked was if i can raise the kids Muslim and he did not agree. Simple as that and it was a mutual breakup based on very mature discussion. Something your clearly not capable of. Is believing and loving the faith you grew up with a crime? If you can’t accept a religion in your life and for your kids, your called a terrorist? God, your responses are so juvenile.

      There is much wrong with many extreme muslim countries, as there is with any extreme in any religion. You will never see or learn the beauty that in is Islam because you are so full of hatred. I can appreciate the good in the hindu religion and any religion for that matter. You are just so one sided and angry, god knows why. I cannot continue a discussion with someone who would dare tell me I would “kill my husband” – are you seriously insane and that hateful and not worthy of intellectual and open discussion. I can’t stand people like you.

      • chris
        July 9, 2012 2:31 am

        Hi Sasha,
        Glad to hear from you.
        “you are not someone worth a discussion with. You are a bigot, misinformed and one sided. You responses are pathetic.”
        I thought somebody said, this forum is not mean for name calling.

        If what you have said is true, you did the right thing. Congratulations. Only God and You know the truth.
        BTW, You said, you didn’t know much about Hinduism, may I ask where you live?
        You called me a misinformed, be it. For only god and I know the truth.
        But you can speak the truth by telling about the blood money, my other posting.
        Frankly, I like you for speaking the truth and hope won’t fall in love with you for I am a Bigot Kafir and am really proud of being one.
        Hope to hear from you.

  • chris
    July 6, 2012 11:43 pm

    Sasha,
    “VIOLENCE does not discriminate.”
    Can you go through your quran and answer these questions?
    1.If a muslim kills another muslim, what is the punishment for the killer or how much will the killer have to pay to the family of the person he killed?
    2.If the same killer killed a christian or jews, what is the punishment?
    3.If the killer killed a person from hinduism, sikhism, budhism and etc, what is the punishments to be?
    Can you be as elaborate as you were in the past post?

    BTW, nice to hear from a Fantastic MUslim.
    Hope to hear from you.

  • July 6, 2012 5:54 am

    Sasha,

    “It won’t matter anymore that he’s funny or cute or romantic, or even a good human.” This statement strikes me the most. As a human being, the most important thing in life is being a GOOD HUMAN. But for you that, doesn’t matter…..The most important thing is He must be a MUSLIM. I can’t blame you because quran has already set the rules. You are just being a very good Muslim….Please do us a favour….PLS don’t call yourself as moderate as your writing proves you are not. BE a good MUSLIM and even be a Suicide bomber but YOU a MODERATE….LOL and what should we call the moderate HUMAN BEING?

    • Sasha
      July 6, 2012 2:09 pm

      Wow, I thought this website was a place of healthy discussion rather than calling each other names. I am really shocked at the name calling and Anti-Muslim remarks. If you cannot have civil discussions, I suggest you don’t comment. This behavior is really amazing to me, as I did not call Hindu’s any name nor did I reply in a violent manner nor did I tell her to go one way other. I gave her advice based on my experience.

      There is no easy resolution to Fathima’s dilemma, and responses such as yours are very one sided & cause more confusion and HATE amongst Muslim & Hindus. Seriously, Chris, grow up and then write some noteworthy discussion points here. I love when someone has nothing intelligent to say, they just use the cliche terms like “Suicide Bomber” and “terrorist”. The only reason your reply deserves attention is to help educate people like yourself. Being a good human being is utterly important. If you weren’t so quick to hit that reply button to promote a ignorant remark, you may have realized what I meant, is there are many good humans. Being a good human doesn’t always qualify a good marriage. Does that mean, everyone should marry the first “Good Human” that the meet? Does that mean we really know what we want at age 21? There are many issues we’re discussing. Not just religion. Are we so narrow minded to truly believe that , it’s the ONLY criteria that should matter. We are not living in a bollywood movie. THis is real life. ALSO, if you noticed, I said if religion is not too important in your life, an interfaith marriage would have less challenges since you’re not stuck on one set of beliefs. Take Religion out of the equation. Being cute, romantic and funny becomes secondary to other things as well. Responsible, a good provider, a decision maker, an involved father, etc… religion is another MAJOR thing to add to the mix since many people’s lives/values are centered around it when you have kids. Gain some perspective buddy. I am ending my reply to you with a chuckle. Do you know how many unreported stories there are of violence in US and other countries? Everyone likes focusing in on Muslims so that is what they will report. Violence occurs in every culture, race, religion. I can tell you story after story of Violence against women in Muslim and Hindu culture. Do you want me to go into the caste system and what they do to untouchables and the violence inflicted people simply being born in a low caste? I won’t. POINT BEING This is not the sound board to hate on each other and pinpoint the negatives of each religion/culture.

      VIOLENCE does not discriminate. Controversial topics need to be discussed in a civil manner. I hope you try to educate yourself further and stop simply listening to the news and making ridiculous comments.

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