Humaima says: February 11, 2013 at 10:16 am
hi, I am a muslim girl who was born and brought up in the u.k. 2 years ago i came out to the United States for a job that i have a contract with for 3 years. I met this really nice guy one evening who is black christian. At first i tried not to get involved with him because i didn’t see the point in going out with a black guy when we have no future together and myself fair coloured Muslima.
The more we talked on the phone, the more i began to like him and we started dating, we have been inseparable since, he really looks after me and looks out for my best interest. He treats me better than any Asian guy has ever treated me.
I have one more year of my job contract left & after that I have to go home to the u.k., in case contract does not extend, he really wants me to stay and would like to marry me…the thought of us parting devastates both of us.
I come from an traditional Muslim family where it has been told to me ever since i was old enough that i will get married to a Muslim man & no other race. my parents would be so angry at me if i was to tell them the truth, they’re already looking for suitable guys for me back home in the u.k.
I am stuck in a situation where i am being forced to choose between my parents and my boyfriend. i don’t feel that its fair on me.
is there anyone out there who is in a similar situation to me or has been through it & can advise me on it.
your thoughts and comments would be much appreciated.
many thanks. -Humaima
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By the way don’t listen to any of these black or non – muslims that are tyring to lead you to do wrong. Remember Paradise lies beneath the feet of your mother, always listen to your parents.
Your a racist, but I’m not even shocked by some of these responses just sickened and ashamed by the way some asian people treat each other. You do not own this person nor do u know them or know what’s right for them all you have to go off is the paragraph written by the original poster; and you’ve disregarded everything she said and given advice based around what you percieve as correct in your own ignorant bubble.
From what I’ve read these two people clearly love and care for each other, so what else matters? Love doesn’t see colour, race or culture and sadly many people never find it. When you come across two lucky people like them, who have found someone who understands them sincerely you should feel happy, or at least you would if had any fibre of decency in your body. You are not fit to advise anyone, and I advise you to never try again until you mature and fix your own troubles.
Anyway to the original poster, apologies for going off on a tangent I’m currently facing the same ignorance they’re trying to promote here. The main point I want to make is you have to decide what’s best for your life these people aren’t going to marry this person for you, or eat and share a bed with them. You are. If you feel this is true love I say go for it! If your family love and respect you even if some don’t agree they will eventually see the love is true and forgive you. The world is a huge place with lots of different people who are all they’re for a reason. They’re is no divide we are all humans with unique personalities and interests so finding someone you can relate to to the point you are confident about marriage is a big deal! Dont let other people’s small minds tie you down or force you to conform to what they think is right. You know what’s right for you. All that matters is how he makes you feel, if there is mutual respect and how you make him feel.
P.s I am a Black man dating an asian girl, we love and respect each other and I’ve never been happier or more secure.
Hi Ak,
Is she a Muslim or non-Muslim? How about your faith? We are happy that you are very happy uphill now. Did you met her parents and decided how you will have your marriage? Please share your experiences, thanks.
Many many thanks for this beautiful mind of yours. I am really speechless, I wish both of you the most wonderful life,and to the original poster it’s 2017 now & I am off late on the response,yet I hope you found the peace in your life and a happy family that you always dreamed for.Always live choose the one who loves you.
You must be one dumb stupid girl, bloddy hell the guy is a christian black guy, there is so many good looking Asian guys in the UK why don’t you marry one of them. But it’s up to you, but remember your marrying a black man who ain’t muslim your parents will never forgive you. Think about your children for god sake.
Brother Uzair, BLACK isn`t a problem, it is just color, don`t behave like silent TERRORIST brahmin of india who till todays believe in external apperance things that really matters to allah is heart,soul,spirit. if that man is unbeliever in allah and mohammad then she must not marry him until he accepts there is one god and mohammad is his last messenger
You are very stupid, pls don’t share your stupidity with others.
Ok I’m just reading this and your cry is just. I am a 32 year old single man and I say single for a reason. I dated a young Christian woman who I love very much. We went to dinner, shows, I taught her how to ride horses. We went all over the world. She said she loved me and wanted to marry me. I said but we speak two different tongues. I said I love you and we should speak the same tongue. I spoke to my parents as they have led me my whole life and I know they won’t stir me wrong. At first they were absolutely upset. My father ordered me to leave the house and I was no part of the family (an outcast). I told him I love her and she is good, they looked at each other and said if she converts then we will be happy and bless this wedding and again he told me to leave. I called back to America and told her what my father and mother said. I went further into our religion /culture and she was very upset with me and my family. I told her Allah would not have brought us together if it was no so. We stopped talking for a month and I got a call on my phone I was in Washington DC and she was in New Jersey. She told me she loved me and her heart was empty without me and no one ever treated her the way I did with respect and honor and she said she would walk with me for the rest of her life. We both cried and made a date to see each other. She converted and learned our culture and long story short we have been together 12 year have 5 kids very happy and I love her so much. I said this only for you to say “communication” your heart never leads wrong you have to. Get through it. Make time speak to him about converting see where is mind is and who knows. We have a culture a way of life far before any American came to this world. Not being mean but how would he feel if he had you for a Christian wedding. This is serious. Think ask Allah to guide you and fill everyone heart with understanding. It will work I know it can!
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=8105
May Allah bless your heart and soul.
Marry the guy, it’s your choice. Dont worry what your parents say…. Because they are not gonna be around for you all the time. Don’t worry about race or religion. Worry about love
Salaams Humaima
You will receive the worst advice from non-muslims on this post. they will encourage you do everything un-islamic and against the will of our Creator Allah (SWT). You know very well what you doing is wrong and Haraam but you continue to seek advice hoping that a Muslim Cleric would give a verdict in your favour. Never. Never. this will never happen. Your purpose in this world is for repentence and to seek Mercy from God on the Day of Repentence. Do not sacrifice the Hereafter (Paradise) for this material world. This is the work of Saitaan and you are falling in his trap. You are learned person and you are invoking the Wrath of Allah (SWT) by continuing this relationship. Pray and ask for Allah’s forgiveness before its too late. May Allah (SWT) forgive you .
@Yasmeem- You are a racist when you say non Muslims, its offending to Christians Jews Hindus Sikhs. You sound like a person who never have loved anybody, you must be so ugly no one cares about you. Racist think before suggesting bad ideas to anyone.
Salaam..
Sorry to hear about your condition it must be very difficult upon you…my sincere advice to you would be to return back home to the U.K after your contract has finished…you will able to make a more clear decision when your away from your desires also sister if the man is not a muslim it is not permissable to marry him…shaytan will always beautify haraam but shaytan is an ever deserter to man in his our of need. There are no race or cultural boundaries in islam nor are we told to marry to please our parents…but we must seek to please our Lord Our Creator our Sustanier All Mighty…there is no success or happiness in this life or
thethe hereafter if we are disobediant to Allaah. Marry a practising muslim an may Allaah bless you with a good husband and make all your affairs easy for you Ameen
Every one in this world is created by Allah. You also claimed that Islam does not differentiate between race or culture. If so, why she should only a muslim as her husband? Why not choose a compatible husband irrespective of religion?
Tenali,
Excellent questions. Let us know when you find out answers.
Islam doesnt differentiate between race or culture.Prophet Muhammad said in his last sermon that a black is not better than a white, nor is a white better than a black, and so on. But what is does differentiate is religion. A muslim woman is not allowed to be with nonmuslim man. Its her own fault for being in that situation. Allah knows best; its useless for you people that dont know anything to suggest otherwise.
Everyone has puppy love or whatever you want to call it. People fall deeply in love with one another until they become one of the 80% that get divorced and hate each other. Or stay together and have a miserable marriage. Over 90% of marriages are a joke. she wont feel the same way after 2 years of marriage.
Are you all for real???? Your so old and don’t know how to trust you gut intinct???? If it feels wrong it wrong.
Humaima,
Marry him, that is the solution. Humaima, this is your only life you have to live, and your happiness is worth much more than what your parents think trust me. Humaima, there are several points I want to make they may help because I have been in your same situation. I will list the points as follows:
1. Race: Race is the major factor that your parents will protest, it is not religion and the fact he is not Muslim. You see if he was a African American Male Muslim, they would still protest and say you are bring your family down. You see, Race has nothing to do with Religion, and Religion has nothing to do with Race! Therefore what do you have left….Culture 🙂 Which in turn Humaima is pure race, plain and simple.
2. Culture or Racism: Humaima you stated for the start that your family would go ballistic if you would marry him… Therefore it is pure race, and the reasoning is this, even if he “Converted” they would still disapprove.
3. Love: Do not let your family stand in the way of you loving who you truly care about. You see, the whole entire arranged marriage gimmick is based upon money, yes plain and simple that is it. You see, Pakistani are notorious for this, because they force there daughters to marry who they choose for them sole on money, love has nothing to do with it. Basically Humaima, you are selling your soul to marry a guy your parents approve of, oh I am sorry Humaima, you are not selling your soul your parents will do that for you. I have to address race one again because it is the total foundation of all of this. Humaima if your boyfriend was a millionaire, and Black American they still would not approve, and even if they did they would do so reluctantly due to the amount of money he has. So you see Religion has nothing to do with it. It is just race pure and simple, and love does not come into play either. How can you love someone you don’t even know based upon a arranged marriage, it is just basic “Hook-Up” and they pray it works. Oh they will tell you “Oh honey, you will learn to love him, he is a doctor” Ok, and I know of plenty of Pakistani women who cheat on that doctor as well.
Humaima, so all that being said, follow your heart only and nothing else. You see money will come and go, but love last eternal.
Can you elaborate more on “I have been in your same situation”. It would be good to know for the benefit of other youths, true examples have more meaning than just advise.
My situation was that I feel deeply in love with beautiful 39 year old twice divorced Pakistani woman. I did not care if she was twice divorced, I loved her unconditionally. However, within the 9 month of dating, she never once introduced me to her friends or family members because she was afraid or ashamed of what her friends and family would think. Since I am African American, and Christan she felt it would not work. I then said it will work if you want it to work. She said her parents would disprove. I was shocked to be honest after admitting to her how much I loved her. She then told me “You are just too into me, let’s just relax and have fun together” Now by this time we have been physically intimate on a regular bases. I was walking on egg shells basically not knowing where I stood with her, so I asked her flat out “Do you want to be with me or not?” Her response was “Short term yes, long term no” I will be honest, that really hurts when this is coming from a woman you truly love. I was totally confused, I thought she was suppose to be a good Muslim girl, and I was willing to over look the sexual aspect but the commitment and monogamy part was not working for her. I asked her do you love me and her response “I love you but, I am not in love with you” Then I asked what are we doing then, and her response was “Having fun” Well to be honest, I would rather be married and raise a loving family then to have “fun”. So I asked her lets meet your parents and she since I am not Muslim they would not approve and she did not want to get caught up in talk about a African American male she has been sexually involved with and not being married. So looking back at this entire process I will say two things. 1) Make sure you love him, and he knows it. Do not play games with him in anyway, this is basic respect for another human being. 2) Do not let your parent’s dedicate who you can love, because if they do it is not love, and they don’t love you as much as you think they do. If they did love you they would care more about if you are happy with that person and does he really love you and care for you. If your family tries to “disown” you, just tell them, that it is there choice and that they truly did not “love” you as much as they said they did. You see when love someone, you will do anything thing for that person and I mean anything. You will go out of your way for them, and even go without things you really need to make sure they are cared for and loved. Love does not worry about social status, how much money you have, what car you drive, what you do for a living, “Doctor” , or if you own your own home. Love transcends culture, race,ethnicity, and social status. If your parents can’t see that then I am very sorry. I just don’t want you look back when you are 65 years old and think, “I really loved that man, but my parents did not let me marry him !!!” That to mean seems like a waste of your life, to end up marrying someone to make your parents happy. Bottom line, this is your life, not your parents life, they had their life and made there decision, so they should let you live yours and make your choices. You see Humaima, God gives us free will, now why can’t your parents do the same thing?
Excellent advise. Sorry to hear of your story.
Thank you,
It was very difficult to be honest, I really loved her so much but, looking back, she been hurt very bad twice by two failed marriages and now she is 40 years old, and I can imagine the pressure on her to marry by her family. I hope she marries for love,because that is all we really have in this world. The material things do not matter when you pass away. Like I tell all my friends, there are only two things you can take from this world, and that is Love and your Soul. Everything else does not matter to be honest. I really do pray and hope, that we has human beings get a second chance at having love in life. I know I have only felt that feeling once, and it was amazing! I could not see myself with anyone else but her, but unfortunately she said she could not give me what I wanted, which was a family. So I say this to all Muslim women, love with no restrictions, love with passion, love with respect and honesty, love unconditionally, love like there is no tomorrow. If anyone tells you that you “can’t” love someone you tell them this “Apparently you have not loved at all, and that is a shame” because they will never know the never ending feeling that will change your soul.
Hi Humaima,
Marry your BF immediately, have kids and then see you will get permission to live with your husband with more job opportunity and lead a happy and blissful life.
A 13-year-old Yemeni child bride who bled to
death shortly after marriage was tied down and forced to have sex
by her husband, according to interviews with the child’s mother,
police and medical reports.
The girl’s mother, Nijma Ahmed, 50, told the Associated Press that
before her daughter lost consciousness, she said that her husband
had tied her up and forced himself on her. “She looked like she
was butchered,” she said about her daughter’s injuries.
Elham Assi, 13, bled to death hours after she spoke to her mother
and just days after she was married to a 46-year-old man. She
died on April 2 in the deeply poor Yemeni village of Shueba, some
200 kilometers northwest of the capital.
The practice of marrying young girls is widespread in Yemen
where a quarter of all females marry before the age of 15, according
to a 2009 report by the country’s Ministry of Social Affairs.
Traditional families prefer young brides because they are seen as
more obedient and are expected to have more children.
Legislation to ban child brides has been stalled by opposition
from religious leaders. There has been no government comment
over the case.
The girl — one of eight siblings — was pushed into marriage after
an agreement between her brother and her future-husband to
marry each other’s sisters to avoid having to pay expensive
bride-prices — a common arrangement in Yemen, the poorest
country in the Middle East.
According to police notes from the interrogation of the husband,
he was upset because he could not consummate their relationship
and felt under pressure to prove his manhood.
Assi’s mother said she also tried to persuade her daughter to have
sex with her husband so as not to shame the family.
Al-Hikmi took his young bride to a nearby medical clinic, asking
a doctor there to administer her tranquilizers so she would not
resist his advances. The clinic said it refused.
Al-Hikmi then obtained performance enhancing pills, according
to the police interrogation, and that night completed the act while
she screamed.
The next day, he returned to the same medical clinic carrying
Assi because she could not walk.
“I told him not to go near her for at least ten days,” said Dr. Fathiya
Haidar. She said Assi’s vaginal canal was ripped.
A forensic report obtained by the AP showed that Assi’s injuries were
much more extensive, including extensive tearing around the vagina
and rectum, suggesting that there might have been additional
intercourse after the clinic visit.
Her mother said she visited Assi later that day, where she found her
daughter fading in and out of consciousness.
“She whispered in my ear that he had tied her up and had sex with
her violently,” she said. “I said to her husband, what have you done,
you criminal?”
She said al-Hikmi told her that the young bride was just possessed
by spirits and said he would take her to a folk healer to cast them
out. Hours later, Assi was dead.
“She asked me to stay beside her,” her mother said.
The practice of marrying young girls is widespread in Yemen
and has drawn the attention of international rights groups seeking
to pressure the government to outlaw child marriages.
“Early marriage places girls at increased risk of dropping out of school,
being exposed to violence, abuse and exploitation, and even losing
their lives from pregnancy, childbirth and other complications,” said
UNICEF’s regional director Sigrid Kaag, in a statement Wednesday
condemning the death.
A February 2009 law set the minimum age for marriage at 17, but it
was repealed and sent back to parliament’s constitutional committee
for review after some lawmakers called it un-Islamic. The committee
is expected to make a final decision on the legislation this month.
The issue of Yemen’s child brides received widespread attention
three years ago when an 8-year-old girl boldly went by herself to
a courtroom and demanded a judge dissolve her marriage to a man
in his 30s. She eventually won a divorce.
In September, a 12-year-old Yemeni child-bride died after struggling
for three days in labor to give birth, a local human rights organization said.
Associated Press Writer Diaa Hadid contributed to this report from Cairo.
Source: AP
Hi Humaima,
you have still one more year of job contract there, no need to be panicy.
May be your contract getting extended based on your performance or with the help of your BF, you could get another job in his location too.
Where there is a will, there is a way.Dont involve with him in sexual relations.