Demanding Someone to Convert for Marriage is Wrong

Amit says: November 29, 2017 at 8:07 pm

I am hindu and my wife is from a muslim religion. We live in Australia. She follows western culture.

My assistant in office is a very highly educated girl who has done masters is also a muslim girl who respects me as her own family. This girl in my office is currently dating a hindu boy. If a person lives in a western nation, studies, works and befriends people of other faiths, it increases the chance for that person to get into relationship with someone out of their faith.

If demanding someone to marry only if that person converts, it would be like demanding a certain fee before marriage happens. This means there is no true love. There is no guarantee that after conversion that person will have complete faith in the new religion.

To have a lasting married life, i believe women need to accept whatever culture their man follows otherwise issues arise when naming their children or attending any functions outside her culture. If this change cannot happen, then don’t get into the relationship. A women will forever live with in their man’s house and will have to maintain good relationship with his family and friends.

My wife blended well with my hindu culture is because there are no strict rules to follow. We did legal marriage and then celebrated our marriage in a big way with our friends and relatives. –Amit

Amit says: December 4, 2017 at 6:56 pm
Hi Admin
My wife is from sunni muslim. She now follows western culture. On her facebook profile, she posts photos of herself when at temples, when at any drinking parties or resorts in swim wears or when with family members etc.All her relatives and friends comment and like the pictures.
Admin,my answer to your question if my sister ever falls in love with a muslim boy and has to eat beef and so on. If this happens, i would ask her to hold onto the marriage for say an year and stay at our own place, start practicing islam, wear scarf, do daily prayers, go and eat beef and then see how it goes.
If she manages it for an year then fine. She can move on with that boy and be faithful with him for always. This way we would avoid her from moving to a very strict religion and regretting after losing the freedom she enjoys now.
Answer to Mac’s question that i contradicted myself. Mac,if you were born in a hindu family you would have been talking something else. What i mean is that we should not forcefully convert any person. If a woman ever wants to marry outside her faith then she should accept her partner’s culture at her own will and there should not be any force on her. I had never forced my wife to follow any religion. It was her own choice.
Regarding Hindu religion, yes you are correct that it is not a religion. It wasn’t created or invented by any human. It is a set of guidelines (not commands or demands) about how to live a life to achieve moksha. What’s moksha and karma? Please search online. I have noticed on this site some non hindu’s commenting on idol worship. When praying, people uses idols to pass the message to the creator. Reason being humans can’t pray with an empty space in their mind unless they can picture god in any form. Say if i am a god and you create an idol of me for prayers, I would definitely understand the reason behind it.
Mac, if everyone starts to develop that hatred within oneself for other religions or cultures, world will never be a happy place. -Amit

Amit says: December 10, 2017 at 6:33 pm

Hi Admin, my parents and great great grandparents are from Fiji. The generation before them were from India. I had got onto your site after some friend had posted the link on facebook.

I didn’t know that churches in india are more intolerant towards hinduism. I know jesus never taught others to be intolerant. I have attended christian school, 40 years old and never been to india but still value the teachings of Hinduism. My great grandmother was a muslim but everything went on my great grandfathers way.

I would prefer to follow a religion that teaches peace and love towards fellow human beings without any discrimination or force conversion when choosing a partner for marriage.

I have a belief that a women should not be given a demand to convert then only marriage would take place. It should be within her will when choosing her religion.

From my experience it is usually safe for a couple in life if they practice one religion but if the woman prefers to follow something else, her man should accept her choice.

Marriage life is like a boat with a couple in it on it’s journey. If the wife’s leg is hanging outside it (she practices different religion), there are other women out there who may want to snatch her out and take her position.
It happened to me here few times. There have been some hindu female friends who had separated from their partners and tried to lure me into a relationship. The reason was that they had thought that my wife practices islam and they would make a nice fit within my religion and keep me and my kids happy.

There was somewhere on your site i had noticed statics on people from arab and christian faiths marrying outside their religion.

If you make a tour in this region, the figures would be much similar. From my experience in my region, more hindu girls are now more marrying within their same religion. With due respect to my islamic friends, the terror attacks and few arrested extremists, have changed the mindset of the non-muslim girls. wasn’t the case 20 years back. Also the girls prefer freedom and they choose their partner carefully so that they don’t lose that freedom. –Amit

Amit says: December 13, 2017 at 1:57 pm

Thanks Rekha. Something i’d like to share. My wife is ex-muslim. She now practices Hinduism. Her family is not wealthy and my mother in-law is always in hijab. Prior to marriage, my wife used to wear hijab at occasions.
I am from wealthy back ground with business and few property around here. We have two kids. When i visit her family, they respect me so much. During Eid, we always go to her parents. They arrange a special seat for me and serve me meals. If i was poor, the story would have been different. You know what, my wife’s favorite meal is spicy pork curry with chilled beer and she consumes that in presence of her parents when at restaurants. All the time she orders pork for herself. I have asked her not to do that in front of her parents but she just doesn’t listen. –Amit


More information: Hindu-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Muslim-Hindu marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Koran on Hindus? Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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43 Comments

  • December 10, 2017 8:03 pm

    Hi Amit,

    We work very closely with many Fijians in the San Francisco Bay area and know well the culture there. Yes, we understood that there was good harmony between Hindus and Muslims in Fiji, including mix marriages, but a big difference today. Hanah would say, and we will agree, that it is due to Saudi Arabia led wave of intolerance for all non-Muslims. Hindus (and other faiths in many other countries too) may be retaliating (by going right wing; like in Europe, Trump in America, and Modi in India) to protect their culture.

    Talking about FB, please invite your friends to this page , thanks.

  • Hanah Khan
    December 7, 2017 8:02 pm

    Rekha,
    Had a view of your response, https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13070#comment-414057
    You could’ve persuasively placed psychological, emotional, social, intellectual and religious arguments in favour of your stand‒ would you’ve dared to use such a language if there were a chance that your face would be made public! Well, the fact is your own inlaws-to-be might taunt you in future, ‘Na-pak Kafir has shown her true colours’! This is the norm all over the world!

    Guess you must be in your early or mid twenties, fallen in love afresh, hence you are unable to see the truth but that doesn’t mean that, the reality itself is nonexistent!
    All over the world, Muslims have proved to be a persecuting, hatefilled, violent, misogynist, parochial and supremacist population hanging on to a medieval culture as divine! You’ve listed in your style, the various atrocities committed by nonMuslims but what you are forgetting is that they are social evils while Muslims commit the barbarity with religious impunity!!

    Islamic truths:
    *As a Hindu child, your parents might have given you training in music, dance, painting etc.. but as a Muslim child, your son/ daughter would never be allowed to get trained in any of the artistic pursuits‒ for music, dance, painting and every constructive art form is declared HARAAM for Muslims. And yes, pet dogs are also haraam!
    *Your children will be taught that Hindus are kafirs and are hell-bound.
    *Your son/ daughter might be forced to marry your husband’s own brother’s daughter/ son as consanguineous marriage is a norm in Muslim households.
    *Suppose your daughter falls in love with a Hindu and imagines of bringing up Hindu children, do you think your Muslim husband would provide the same liberty to your daughter which you expect from your father?!

    Finally, you are putting the love and trust of your parents and children in jeopardy, for a mirage called ‘love’!

    • December 8, 2017 1:35 am

      Rekha,

      Is it your first love ever?

      • Rekha
        December 8, 2017 4:43 am

        Yes,first and final 🙂

    • Rekha
      December 8, 2017 6:11 am

      Hannah,thank you for your view,and another thank you for not using language of some stupid people who use it just to assert their fluffy arrogance.
      You know,i get frustrated and angry sometimes with people who ask a question that is so naive i do not know what to say.
      If i kill a human being today it will be judged as a crime,but if i do it in the name of religion that will be judged as a terrorism?it sounds like western logic,you have the “right to condemn” any action but you yourself can not take an action,you need to look up to so called boss U.S to take your decision so they can feel bossy about it.yesterday there was an event happened in rajsthan,are you aware of it?the video literally shook me off my sense.
      Still i am not going to argue with you about it because i believe everybody has different view point of an incident.
      You said my in-laws will taunt me over my language i used,i beg your pardon you had to read it,it is that i can not stand being judged by people like that idiot except those who have this right.what did you want to say by na-pak kafir i did not understand that sentence.
      yes i am in my mid twenties,but i did not fall in love afresh,it is a feeling developed over years 🙂
      Today muslims are being treated as violent,misogynist.i know this,but what makes me wonder is nobody question those who are the architects of it. if you hurt a man he is going to retaliate eventually,it is very simple.what america did 15 years ago the world is still suffering from it.
      have you read the chilcot report?or read any book on 9/11?i did.
      You are saying they are holding some medieval ideas as divine.well,being a sanatana dharma follower i have also medieval ideals 🙂
      as far as i have studied,yes most of the points you mentioned here are true,i know it has some militaristic kind of life code like daily prayers.but i believe i can put up with it.i trust my love and it’s depth.
      “*Your son/ daughter might be forced to marry your husband’s own brother’s daughter/ son as consanguineous marriage is a norm in Muslim households.” sorry,can you please be more detailed?i do not know about this.
      well marriage of my child will be decided by their father,i have no problem with it.
      last but not least,my marriage will not go ahead as long as i do not get a soft stance(partial soft stance at least) from my parents,i can not put his life in danger because i love him.i am more scared now of his safety after watching what happened yesterday.i am also not breaking my parents trust,you did not read my thread well,it has been 5 long years i have kept this secret in me,no one knows this except some of my close friends.if it does not go ahead then i will be single for rest of my life.this will be the most neutral decision judging all perspective.i do not have the right or courage to go outside my parent’s decision because of possible fierce reaction in this regard.i am well aware of it,but no one can take away my right of loving,so i will love him till my last breath and no one will know about it.and that is totally fine with me.

      • Hanah Khan
        December 9, 2017 12:01 am

        You are in a love-clouded state of mind!
        Take care!!
        Good Luck!!!

      • Krish
        December 29, 2017 6:23 am

        I am sure that this lady is brainwashed. There are 56 muslim countries in world and 2/3 of these countries are died already. Number goes up year by year. Rape, Genocide, murder, all hilarious crimes etc crippled those countries and now she want spread sharia law in India. If Islam is so sensitive, truth and progressive why those countries are dying gradually. Read History and dont blame America, it is your fault or have little knowedge on world History and more knowledge on fake Quran..

    • Krish
      December 29, 2017 6:17 am

      Dear Hanah.. I salute you for your progressive thoughts. Life will be hell post marriage particular converted mulsim women. Those who sounds too much to marry a mulsim boy will realise the hardest situation in their life, knowingly they are forgetting the brutal history of Arabian culture. Today Suhaib Ilyasi got life term jail for murdering his Hindu wife (His wife converted to Islam but refused to wire Burkha) and hence Suhail Murdered her in 2000.

      A Hindu Girl married to a mulsim man in Jharkhand brutally raped and murdered by her husband and her father-in-law yesterday (28th Dec 217) because she dont want to wear Burkha.

      Halala is must and halal food is must for converted…

  • shaneil
    December 7, 2017 7:55 pm

    Hanah Khan, hinduism was already there even before mohammed existed.

    This quote from your post: Allah didn’t stop with that‒ he also added, “I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their necks and strike off every fingertip of them” [Quran 8:12]

    My eyes are wide open after reading the above. I wonder who would accept that a creator would strike off the necks and strike off every fingertip of his own children who are born into different faiths without their fault. Can a god do this to his children?. No, only a demon would do it.

    • Mohamed
      December 31, 2017 9:36 am

      if you read with out of context then you see like this only…like this there are double in Vedas and opanishads about fight … bro read with context

  • Amit
    December 7, 2017 6:56 pm

    Hey Hanah Khan,
    Can you explain to us why i was born in hindu family or my neighbor Peter comes from christian family?

    One more question- Why is a child born in a tiny village in Somaila suffers his entire life in extreme poverty and another child here in Australia lives in luxury all his entire life?
    Look forward to your answers.

    • Hanah Khan
      December 8, 2017 11:58 pm

      Soul-searching question! Spiritual exploration is a boundless entity which only people of highest order experience and this analysis belongs to that category. Knowing well that, that range of philosophical wisdom is beyond our human limits, let us begin the discussion!

      Dharmic faiths stand firm on Karma while Abrahamics hold on to, ‘only one life’ theory. Karma looks to fit-in beautifully for this study but then how the West has developed so magnificently with Christian principles?

      Why to go for Somalia and Australia? In any normal household, an employer’s child is like prince/ss while the housemaid’s child remains malnourished and uneducated!

      Why? Sole reason is because our piety belongs to the lip-service category! By parroting various slogans/ verses/ ayahs we believe we would be bestowed with Heaven. This is a pan-world phenomenon!
      We live in an age of instant gratification, religion is no exception to that and prayer is a mode for the adherents for advancement in life! Babas, imams, pastors are selling religion in sachets and the population, which is on a whirlwind spin to find and satisfy God, happily gulps it hallucinating that as the course to heaven, both for the earthly and the eternal world!

      Mother Teresa once said, “Healing hands are better than praying lips”‒ that summarizes the truest sense of religiosity.
      Be it Karma or ‘only one life’ doctrine, the only one marvel which stands the test of piety is, ‘how much you give and not how much you take’, both for individual and faith!

      • December 9, 2017 6:54 am

        Agree 100%, said it beautifully.

      • Amit
        December 10, 2017 1:40 pm

        Thank you Hanah for your clear and impartial explanation.

  • mac
    December 1, 2017 11:35 am

    LOL this person contradicted himself in his one comment, once he says conversion for marriage is wrong and then he claims his wife adopted hindu culture and that every wife should adopt his husband`s culture.

    To confused muslim girls: Hindu culture is hindu religion as there are no defined Hindu religion. Smart hindus use the term ‘culture’ to convert others into their religion.

    To Muslim girls in love with non-muslim men: Here is a message from a muslim sister to you https://www.quora.com/Why-cant-a-Muslim-woman-marry-a-non-Muslim/answer/Aisha-Ali-115?srid=5kpbg

    • Hanah Khan
      December 7, 2017 10:41 pm

      Sir,
      Your Ummah sister is exactly going through your condition: deactivated thinking faculty!

      On question of hatred, https://www.quora.com/Im-a-Muslim-and-I-hate-Hindus-because-they-hate-Muslims-How-can-I-stop-wasting-my-thoughts-on-them/answer/Aisha-Ali-115
      sister throws platitudes while forgetting various verses which uninhibitedly promote vile hate in Muslim minds:

      5:51
      O you who have believed, do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you – then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people.
      2:191
      And kill them wherever you overtake them and expel them from wherever they have expelled you, and fitnah is worse than killing. And do not fight them at al-Masjid al- Haram until they fight you there. But if they fight you, then kill them. Such is the recompense of the disbelievers.
      8:12
      “I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieved, so strike [them] upon the necks and strike from them every fingertip.”

      And again a comedy on the gender equality blog:
      https://www.quora.com/Is-Islam-anti-woman/answer/Aisha-Ali-115

      Not a word on polygamy, child marriage, triple talaq, no alimony to divorced wife, wife-beating, sex slavery, kidnapping of nonMuslim women and forceful conversion, a woman should not lead any organization where even a single male is present, a woman’s testimony is only halfvalued that of a male, rape victim has to produce four witnesses to prove the assault…. arre wah, no end to ‘women empowerment’ in Islam!

      Scholar, these are just the samples! Your sister, just like you, cares a damn about critical analysis of the Book she religiously adheres to!!!

  • Amit
    November 30, 2017 1:01 pm

    Hi Admin,
    Responding to your questions.
    The girl in my office has been asking me for advice about her relationship and Nikah. Reason she is asking me and my wife for advice because my wife is from muslim back ground and she sees our relationship has worked for 13 years without any issues. I have told her that it’s definite Nikah can’t happen and not to get religion involved if she wants to marry and settle in the west and follow the culture over here. In few hundred years time, the issue of religion when having marriage will be a thing of the past. Yes this girl is fine to do legal and organize a party at some nice resort. There would be some nice memories to show to her kids about her marriage. I don’t think a Nikah or any religious wedding will guarantee a successful marriage.
    Regarding 50% 50% when it comes to culture. I don’t accept this.
    In any relationship, if there is any difference in a persons thoughts, attitude or culture, issues arise at one time. Possibility of breakups gets high. A married woman lives with her husband and interacts with his family and friends so she needs to do what they do.
    When a women gets in a position to decide about her marriage with someone of another faith, she has to leave aside her love and lust and then think carefully if she would blend well with her man’s culture.
    Moving from easy to a strict culture can create difficulties in life but moving from a strict to easy culture may make life better.

    • November 30, 2017 10:17 pm

      We agree to “definite Nikah can’t happen” but is she and her family okay with it?

      Why type of Muslim your wife is? Is that Shia, Sunni, … ? Are her parents and community okay with her life?

      On this point, “she has to leave aside her love and lust and then think carefully if she would blend well with her man’s culture.”, lets assume your sister is in love with a Muslim boy, do you expect her to forget her faith and culture and go start cooking beef for the new family, cut a goat and live a true Muslim life?

      • Amit
        December 4, 2017 6:56 pm

        Hi Admin
        My wife is from sunni muslim. She now follows western culture. On her facebook profile, she posts photos of herself when at temples, when at any drinking parties or resorts in swim wears or when with family members etc.All her relatives and friends comment and like the pictures.
        Admin,my answer to your question if my sister ever falls in love with a muslim boy and has to eat beef and so on. If this happens, i would ask her to hold onto the marriage for say an year and stay at our own place, start practicing islam, wear scarf, do daily prayers, go and eat beef and then see how it goes.
        If she manages it for an year then fine. She can move on with that boy and be faithful with him for always. This way we would avoid her from moving to a very strict religion and regretting after losing the freedom she enjoys now.
        Answer to Mac’s question that i contradicted myself. Mac,if you were born in a hindu family you would have been talking something else. What i mean is that we should not forcefully convert any person. If a woman ever wants to marry outside her faith then she should accept her partner’s culture at her own will and there should not be any force on her. I had never forced my wife to follow any religion. It was her own choice.
        Regarding Hindu religion, yes you are correct that it is not a religion. It wasn’t created or invented by any human. It is a set of guidelines (not commands or demands) about how to live a life to achieve moksha. What’s moksha and karma? Please search online. I have noticed on this site some non hindu’s commenting on idol worship. When praying, people uses idols to pass the message to the creator. Reason being humans can’t pray with an empty space in their mind unless they can picture god in any form. Say if i am a god and you create an idol of me for prayers, I would definitely understand the reason behind it.
        Mac, if everyone starts to develop that hatred within oneself for other religions or cultures, world will never be a happy place.

        • admin
          December 5, 2017 12:26 am

          Hi Amit,

          We are glad your wife has liberty and freedom that most other ladies don’t.

          We also admire you want your sister to make fully informed decision and then follow her passion, what ever that is.

          You said well that “develop that hatred within oneself for other religions or cultures, world will never be a happy place.”, we fully agree. However, mac’s different ideologies (read more here or cultures, world will never be a happy place.)

          Please do come to guide others on this web site, thank you.

          • Amit
            December 5, 2017 2:45 pm

            Hi Admin, i have noticed that advice from those who had experienced interfaith marriages write rational answers. Some islamic or hindu extremists who have never been into relationships with person of other faiths will usually write negative to show supremacy of their religion. If they have got no experience of it in life, what the heck would they advise.
            I have a cousin here in Australia who’s wife is from muslim background. The girl’s mother was not happy with their relationship. She eloped with the boy and did legal marriage. It has been 15years for them. They have 2 kids in school. Living a happy life. They both love each other as if they had met for the first time. The girl’s mother after few years accepted their relationship.
            There is another cousin of mine. They had a hindu wedding in which they spent 100k to get married. Both husband and wife were hindus. Their marriage lasted only 2 years.
            Another cousin of mine have Sri lankan christian wife. Both of them are doctors. They both respect each others religion and living a happy life without any issues.
            I am sure that after few hundred years people would not bother about religion when it would come to marriage.

          • December 5, 2017 4:19 pm

            Hi Amit,
            If cost permits, please read our book. We hope you like the messages in it.

            We agree 100% that within faith marriages doesn’t not mean successful marriage. As a matter of fact, interfaith married people, if they critical think through, can have better outcome. Sometimes, the within faith marriages are done to please parents, even they knew they are incompatible. So, bottom line, one should think through all issues before hand, not fall in blind love or marry to please parents.

            You have a successful marriage because you are in Australia. If you were in India, especially in a small town, you will not have easy time.

            We hope you will come to guide other youths in love on routine basis. Like mac, you can be a consultant on this web site.

  • November 30, 2017 1:01 pm

    hello

    I have been reading interfaith experiences in internet lately.this is good to know someone of our own is helping people in this kind of situation.so i really appreciate and applaud your effort.
    i hope i will not bother you asking your suggestion and guidance about my situation.
    i have been in love with a boy more than 5 years,which dates back to our late school time,basically we have been in same educational institution,my the feelings for him developed from that time.he is muslim boy.but his religious identity was never a problem for me.the feelings is completely one sided,he does not know anything about it.
    But currently it has become a lot tense,you know the surrounding that is going on.but i believe the gap between us or the problems,whatever you term it,is rooted in financial condition.he is from lower middle class family and i am from businessman family background.so you can see the obvious difference.despite being popular among girls i observed he never opened up with girls before,and i staunchly believe it is only because his financial condition.and it is scaring me.
    i have discussed this with my friends who is in far more intimate relationship rather than just being in love,but quite unfortunately i could not even tell him about the feelings i have for him for years,my friends i discussed with also agree it is the financial condition that will hunt us most,not the religious difference.
    the primary reason i never told him that i love him is i can end up being the cause of harm for him,either it can be from my family or the other social people who has tendency in poking their nose in people’s personal matters or politicizing everything if they get to know it.
    being quite honest,what i have observed from my friends and other case,the rich peoples are never in trouble,it really does not matter if it is interfaith or interracial.it only becomes problem for the poor people who can not fight back,become victim of these heinous actions of political goons.
    my feelings for him is strong enough i can tell i will not accept another man in my life.heck i did not go to a better college outside of my home city just to be in same college with him,despite having little to no interest in teacher’s bakbak i was one of the most regular student in college.it is just gives me a different comfort being around him or having him in my eyesight.so i am asking you to guide me in this matter,how do you think i can convince my parents that i have no problem with his family or economical condition without letting them react aggressively or causing any harm to him.

    Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13074

    • Krish
      December 6, 2017 8:02 pm

      Rekha Go ahead and marry a mulsim and then both please go to Syria to preach Islam. There are many such third grade dirty Hindu girls marrying muslim and converted and then they are realizing their bad karma. Yes dont forget to eat halal meat and some times you need to have halala with other man. Please taste both of them

      • December 7, 2017 6:46 am

        Krish,
        We told you before and now telling again. You are not serving any purpose by making such irrational comments. Yes, you want to talk to mac like that, you are getting even there. However, here Rekha is just asking simple questions, why are you derailing her? She is much smart girl compared to most we came across on this web site in the respect that she came here BEFORE getting into deep relationship. This is commendable on her part. We trust her that ultimately she will make a right decision, what ever that is. After all it is her life and he is to decide what is right or wrong for her.

        • Keish
          December 29, 2017 3:48 am

          Admin,

          I uderstood but please remember that there are mass brain washed love Jihad like Rekha spread false news against Hinduism.

  • November 29, 2017 9:32 pm

    Hi Amit,
    We absolutely agree to your statement “If demanding someone to marry only if that person converts…”. Congratulations for your successful marriage. Is the girl in your office has guts to marry a Hindu without Nikaah?

    You are in the West but we are amazed by your male-chauvinist statement “women need to accept whatever culture their man follows.” Why? Why not 50%-50%. Why always a woman has to give up her faith?

    • Rekha
      December 7, 2017 12:44 am

      admin can i request you to moderate this comments please?i do not want any filthy b@stard poking his filthy nose in my matter except those who have constructive suggestion.

      • Krish
        February 24, 2018 4:33 am

        Constructive suggestion is marry him but move out from INDIA. India is a land of spirituality for shake of Hinduism. Revert me if you have gut.

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